Midnight Investigation
by kapelka
Summary: It is not easy to rule a MASH unit, especially when your name is Henry Blake and the unit is the famous and crazy 4077th... Rated T because I'm paranoid.
1. A War in Town

**Hello everyone! Here's the first chapter of what I hope will be my new story. It is the best way to train my English! You help me a lot! **

**This time, I decided to test myself more and write something funny. It is not easy and I'm very nervous, but I really hope that you'll like it. I will continue if you want me to...**

**Disclaimer: MASH is not mine.**

**Enjoy!  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>A War in Town<strong>

Another hot and stuffy day was slowly coming to a close. As soon as the pouring rains finally decided to leave their post, the most unbearable summer heat arrived to take it over. As usual, the beginning of July in Korea proved to be a real challenge. The most dangerous time was midday when the air was heavy enough to strangle its victims whenever they dared to step under burning sunlight. This very day was not an exception. It took more than eternity for the hot mustard sun disappear behind the distant hills and take the torrid weather along. When it finally did, the whole nature seemed to sigh with relief welcoming the blessing evening coolness.

It was nearly time for the last means of the daylight vanish and the first stars begin speckling the gradually darkening sky when one of the dozens empty dusty roads was suddenly illuminated by a sudden blaze of light. In a flash the roaring of a green army jeep broke the stillness of the quiet night.

"Careful son!" an elderly plump man with General insignia shouted at the top of his voice, "I only want to _visit_ Colonel Blake's hospital and not to end up as a patient there."

"Sorry sir," replied the young man at the wheel, quickly changing to a different gear to slow the car down.

"There you go!" the General said contentedly, his voice much calmer than before, "There's no need to hurry and risk our lives like this."

"Yes sir." the boy answered not daring taking his eyes off the road to look at the two men sitting behind him.

It was a fair haired corporal not older than eighteen. And, frankly speaking, such age was also a big doubt to his passengers. The youth's face was far too innocent and rosy cheeked to fit the face of an "almost adult", not to mention the face of a soldier.

The kid sighed with relief when the narrow road opened on a large sign. "MASH 4077th Best Care Anywhere" was clearly seen in the moonlight. They were nearly there.

"Ah, home at last!" the third man said joyfully, "Care to get a refresh before we retire, General?"

"Good idea, Henry!" the General clapped his companion amiably on the shoulder, "I won't miss the chance to wet my whistles! What can you offer?"

Henry gave a nervous chuckle, "Well, I have a fine bottle of Whiskey…" Henry frowned remembering, "I'm afraid I don't have it anymore." he added bitterly. Seeing the General's eyebrows rise in surprise, he hurried to explain. "I foolishly left it in my glass cabinet before leaving the hospital. I dare guess the bottle had been emptied before my jeep turned the corner..." the surgeon stopped abruptly when the realization of what he had just said hit him. "Oh, don't think that my people drink," he said, stumbling at every word, "I mean… they do drink… sometimes…" he cleared his throat and continued, "You know… all the tension we work under…"

"Relax, Colonel," the General cut him off, his eyes dancing with amusement, "my son sounded more confident when I caught him with his first cigarette."

"Well… yeah… anyway," Henry went on, "I still have Gin, Beer, Vodka…"

"Are you sure such treasures are still waiting for your return?"

"Oh yes!" in a moment Henry's uneasiness grew into a wide grin, "My faithful company clerk hid the booze for me. He is very provident."

"Ha!" the General laughed, "the kid must have radar inside his head."

Henry's proud smile reached both of his ears, "You can't imagine how right you are, sir."

It was pitch-dark now. Suddenly covered by a thick inky black cloud, the moon was not able to accompany them on their way anymore. With only a jeep as the last source of light, as well a big chance to run upon a hidden land mine, the road was getting more and more dangerous.

As if willing to distract his thoughts from the journey, the General continued pressing the subject further. "Why don't you tell me more about your people, Henry?" he asked, "They are the main reason I decided to visit the unit."

Henry smiled, willingly shutting his mind from the gloomy and frightening atmosphere around them. "They are great people and the best medical personnel I ever worked with." he said proudly.

"I see the results perfectly well, Henry," the General waved his hands dismissively; "your records gave me quite the impression I needed."

The high-ranking officer winked and looked at Henry, a sly grin flashed across his features. "The thing that interests me though," he paused, as if foretasting the bewilderment on his companion's face "is the actual life in your camp. Is it true that some of your officers and enlisted men are… apt to act… strangely?"

Henry blanched, "I assure you, General, all the members of my hospital are…"

"Colonel," the General laughed, effectively cutting the other man short, for the second time of the last five minutes, "I have no doubts of their professional qualities. I just want to be prepared to meet them with my own eyes."

Henry was completely dumbfounded by the General's words. "What do you mean?" he asked nervously.

"Well," after a slight hesitation the other officer passed strict to the point, "I happened to come across some reports ones or twice…"

Now Henry's face was white as a sheet. What exactly did he hear about them? Was it again Major Houligan's or Burns's doing? How many times has this lovely couple attempted to go over his poor head? Henry put great hopes on this opportunity to get some useful equipment for the 4077th and if these army rats somehow messed everything up by their stupid methods to install the military discipline in the unit, they will face the wrath of Henry Blake. "They will be very surprised if they think I'm not capable of a backstroke." he muttered through his teeth.

Fortunately, due to the surrounding them darkness and the deafening sound coming from the engine, the General neither heard the other man, nor saw the dark evil expression on his frightened face.

"Some reports I heard of… were filed against two of your surgeons and a certain corporal." he continued, "I remember them being addressed as degenerates and a pervert or perverts and a degenerate…" he paused as if deep in thought, "I don't actually remember who was who." he finished.

If not the danger of angering their potential sponsor, Henry would have roared with laughter. Both these "titles", along with some other, like "maniac" or "psycho" could fit Pierce, McIntyre and Klinger perfectly without the actual division of their roles in the camp. Right now, however, he had to defend his gang at any cost.

"General," he began, "I can…"

"Almost there, sirs!" their driver shouted, immediately cutting the Colonel short.

Feeling more than annoyed by the third interruption, Henry looked around. Luck was definitely on their side, when the very sign, all three of them had been hoping to get to safe and sound, finally appeared in the headlights.

A minute hadn't passed before the jeep came to an abrupt halt.

"Well, what was it you wanted to tell me, Colonel?" the General asked in a light tone, as if he had not been interrupted, "Do I need to know anything about your people I need to be prepared for?"

"General!" said Henry firmly, willing more than ever to kill that rat who had snitched on them. "Please don't swallow anything you've been fed!" he stopped himself looking at the superior officer with alarm. It was not the tone anybody should have allowed himself to talk to a General, but the words had just slipped from his mouth. The General, however, did not look offended at all. On the contrary, he looked pleased and nodded approvingly. "Good to hear you have such a close-knit team, Colonel." he said

"If it's good for you, it's good for me, sir." Henry stuttered, "I mean it's good that you think this is good... I mean, we are not just colleagues, we're like a family, a very friendly family…"

"Colonel! Colonel!"

It was one of the guests, who had interrupted the Colonel for the fourth time; it was a short young boy. The kid wore round glasses which made him look even younger than he really was; the shabby clothes and a frightened expression on the kid's face completed the picture.

"Oh, Colonel! It's so good that you're back!" The boy froze when his eyes fell on a shocked General, sitting next to his CO, "Oh, I'm sorry General!" he gasped, his gaze glued to the stars on the man's shoulders, glittering under the dim street lamp.

"It's fine, Corporal…"

"O'Reilly, sir. Corporal O'Reilly, company clerk." the boy said.

"The same company clerk who has radar inside his head?" the General asked smirking.

"Sir?" the Corporal asked in bewilderment.

"Never mind Radar." said Henry, this time ignoring the General's surprised look. He could congratulate him on guessing the kid's nickname later, now he had other things to deal with. Something was troubling Radar and he had find out what had happened during his absence. "What's wrong Radar?" he asked the boy, "Is it Major Ferret…oh…Major Burns?" Henry looked at the General, but, luckily the man had been distracted by their driver and did not hear the last part of Henry's question.

Radar's panic, written all over his face, disappeared completely, gone without a trace of being there in the first place. A second later the Corporal's expression hardened with some sort of anger and annoyance. "I couldn't do anything to stop them, sirs!" he said feverishly, "They've been acting strangely since yesterday morning."

It took Henry more than he could probably wish to realize that the meaning of Radar's speech had not settled in his tired mind, it just did not bear any sense. He exchanged looks with the General and, judging by his blank eyes, understood that the man had apparently thought the same. What could have happened? Why was Radar talking in riddles? And, more important, what could have irritated his shy clerk so much? All these questions were swirling in his head like a raging tornado and to find the right thing to ask amidst this gale was a thankless task.

"Who is acting strangely?" he asked at last.

"Majors Burns and Houligan, Captains Pierce and McIntyre, Father Mulcahy and Corporal Klinger, sirs." reported Radar, "They are all in the mess tent right now."

"Not good, not good at all" thought Henry rubbing his face with a tired sigh. It was such a good day for all of them and it was just going to end in complete disaster.

"What are they doing in the mess tent in such an hour?" he asked, the thought _"What have I done to deserve this?"_ stuck in his mind.

Radar took a deep breath before replying, "They're fighting, sirs."

"What?" Henry and the General asked in unison.

"That's why I'm here, sirs," Radar said with a new blow of panic in his voice, "I decided to find some help because I failed to stop them, but then I heard your jeep."

"From there?" the General asked, pointing in the direction the Corporal had appeared from, "you showed a second after our arrival, you couldn't have heard us from such a distance."

"He deserved his name, General." said Henry, "Believe me."

"I did not!" the boy said in despair, "I should have seen this coming…"

"Don't worry, son." The General cut him off, "We'll sort it out."

After giving their driver the orders to take the guest's luggage to the VIP tent and go to sleep in the tent, shown to him by Radar afterwards, the officers hurried to the possible battlefield.

"I see you have your own war in town, Colonel." the General said with amusement.

Henry sighed. It was useless to deny anything right now, "they argue sometimes, but it is not always serious," they reached the door and Henry raised his hand to push it, "Radar is probably exaggerating, I'm sure of…" they entered before Henry could finish his sentence, but the Colonel forgot even the beginning when the scene in front of his eyes paralyzed him. His doctors, his head nurse, his chaplain and his corpsman were standing in the middle of the room, shouting at each other in high-pitched voices.

The first was Frank, "Stay away from the Major, Pierce!"

"Then why are you not so close anymore?" Hawkeye yelled back, "Do you happen to know about her, so called, delicate condition?"

"What? Keep your filthy mouth shut!" shrieked Frank, pulling out his gun, "I'll kill you right now!"

"No, you won't Major!" said Mulcahy calmly, "I stole all your bullets."

"Ha!" butt in Trapper, "And I've been wondering why you decided to break the eighth commandment, Father!"

"I won't let anyone treat me like this!" cried Frank, his face changing the whole range of scarlet in a mere second.

"He is completely out of his mind!" shouted Klinger grabbing the enraged Major by his arms and twisting his right hand behind him. In a moment Frank's gun was successfully knocked out of his hand and Father Mulcahy hurried to take the empty, but, all the same, dangerously looking weapon away from its owner. Meanwhile, Frank was trying to free himself, but Klinger's hold was too strong for the Major.

"Let me go, you freak!" he shouted.

"Shut up Frank!"

Everybody froze when the sudden cry pierced the air. All at once, seven sets of eyes were riveted on Major Houligan, who, contrary to their expectations, was not angry, but extremely sad. It was not usual for the Major to show her emotions like this and the whole room was immediately plunged into grave silence.

"Shut up everyone!" she paused as if trying to suppress a sob, "Look at yourself! Brawling your guts out when…" this time she seemed to have lost control of her emotions and burst into tears.

"Don't worry," said Hawkeye giving everybody a meaningful look, "just the usual mood swings."

Henry felt his brain begin leaking through his ears, leaving nothing but a deep dark pit behind. Only one thought was still circulating in his mind, "It is the weirdest scene I have ever had the misfortune to witness." He shook his head and tried to gather all he had just heard in his tired head, "Mulcahy is stealing, Frank is crazy and, what is more important, jealous; Margaret is pregnant; Pierce is kind with Margaret because of her possible pregnancy… Nothing can surprise me anymore…" he concluded.

Something jolted Henry from his thoughts. Trying to focus on what was going on he soon understood that it was Major Houligan, who finally took control over her emotions.

"…when…" she whispered in a husked but steady voice, "when McIntyre is dying."

"_Dying? McIntyre is dying?"_ Henry was not destined to hear everybody's reaction to this new information, as his still leaking brain, or what was left of his brain, blocked his ears completely.

"I must never jump to conclusions," he told himself, "my world is definitely still full of surprises."

* * *

><p><strong>TBC<strong>

**Please, make a review! I really need to know what you think about it**)


	2. Morning Revelations

**Sorry that it took so long. There are a lot of changes in my real life right now and it's rather difficult to find time for anything else((**

**The second chapter is finally ready, but please be kind, because it's not as good as I hoped to make it, really. **

**But it doesn't mean that I don't want to see your reviews)))**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

><p><strong>Morning Revelations<strong>

Thick fog covered Henry's vision and a growing wave of panic in his head prevented him from thinking properly. There was only one thought he was sure of at that moment – They were in big trouble. Henry could hardly make out the faces of his friends; neither could he hear their voices. Imagined he it or not, but the air became unexpectedly thick, making the Colonel's brain slowly shut down from the lack of oxygen. It was like to be underwater, where he had no other option but to float alone in the darkness with this strange and annoying buzzing noise created by the pressure to his ears.

"_Accept … Henry." _

The words seemed to be coming from a great distance, somewhere far-far above the water. Henry strained his ears and tried to catch the meaning of what he had heard, but the temptation was too strong to resist. There was something utterly peaceful to drift in this void and leave all this damn war behind… Henry opened his eyes. The General's shocked face swam into focus,

"Accept my congratulations, Henry," the General repeated, "With all my preparations and the information I had, your people did manage to blow my brain away." The General sighed and looked at the Colonel with concern, "Henry, you're alright?" he asked in a hushed voice.

Henry looked back and attempted a weak smile, "I'm fine General, I'm only a bit…"

"Surprised, I think." the other man helped.

"Yeah, I think so," murmured Henry rubbing his temples. He looked at the General and jumped, remembering who exactly was standing before him. Why does he often get into such ridiculous situations in front of superior officers? "I'm sorry, General," he said quickly passing his gaze to the fighters, who were absolutely unaware of the shocked witnesses, standing not more than two paces away from them. It was time to do something. Henry opened his mouth but didn't go far, as another voice boomed through the still tent.

"What is going on here?" roared the General.

Everybody jumped and looked at the newcomers with wide frightened eyes. It took them a whole minute to realize who had entered the tent and joined their party before they all began to speak, all at once.

The sound of the raised voices crushed on Henry's poor eardrums like a sudden thunderstorm.

"Okay, people, stop it!" Henry shouted, "Stop! Stop!"

There was no reaction, and, frankly speaking, Henry had not been expecting any. He had never silenced his people before and never would. They just did not see him as their CO, neither did his voice possess the authority he needed for such tasks.

Henry looked at the General and tried to understand what the latter was thinking. Their guest looked mad, Henry was sure of it. "All is lost." The Colonel thought bitterly, "He will never give us this donation…" Henry shook his head. It didn't matter how much money they would lose when something more serious were at stake. First of all, he had to sort everything out. What a commanding officer and a friend he would be if he had missed something as important as the possible illness of one of his surgeons?

"Stop it!" Henry bellowed. It was no use, whatever he did, he'd never outcry Major Houlihan, who had just begun shouting something about Henry's blindness and his incompetence as a commander. "I can't do this," he thought, "I need Radar…"

The help came immediately.

"QUIET!" bellowed the Corporal.

"Thanks Radar." said Henry automatically.

"You are welcome, sir" the latter replied.

Prepared for this turn of events, Henry did not show a slightest bit of surprise at seeing the young corporal, standing by his side. He was sure that the clerk would have turned up a second before he thought to call for him. The General, however, was not accustomed to such a dramatic demonstration. The man's jaw dropped, his eyes doubled in their size and he jumped higher than the others when Radar's voice had pierced the air.

"You certainly have much authority in your voice, son." he said in bewilderment, "I'd say you actually can rule this place."

Radar gave a nervous chuckle, "It's very kind of you, sir," he said shyly, locking his eyes, as Henry noticed, with Pierce and McIntyre, who looked at the boy with pride.

"Oh, Radar, does rule the hospital!" said Henry joyfully. "I only need to write my name when he asks…" Henry trailed off, seeing the disapproving glares the Captains were giving him, "… of course, only after I read what he gives me to read… I always sign and read… I mean, first I read and only then I sign whatever I read…" he paused seeing Hawkeye and Trapper roll their eyes, "Shut up Henry" clearly written on the Captains' faces. It was high time to change the subject.

"All right then," Henry said, trying not to let the nervous stutter into his voice, "Now will you please stop this childish showdown and explain us everything?"

The Majors' reaction was immediate.

"You have no right to insult me and Major Burns in front of the General, Colonel Blake." said Margaret with authority.

"Henry, take these two outside so you can insult them further." butt in Trapper.

"Shut up McIntyre!" snapped Frank.

"No rude words in front of the General, Frank, remember?" Trapper commented sarcastically.

Margaret seemed to come with a retort when her features suddenly softened.

"I'll forgive you this, McIntyre," she said with the dignity of a queen, "I understand what you may feel right now."

"What are you talking about, Margaret?" yelled Frank, his eyes wide with disbelieve, "First Pierce, now McIntyre?"

"Don't shout at her, Ferret Face!" snarled Hawkeye.

"Watch your mouth Pierce!" roared Frank, "For how long have you been running after her by now?"

"You are paranoid, Frank!" snapped Margaret, obviously not willing to give any more comments.

"No, I'm not!" cried Frank, suddenly looking quite deranged.

Hawkeye opened his mouth for a good answer when Margaret's voice gagged him.

"Shut up! Both of you!" she practically screamed at the top of her lungs.

Heavy silence fell when the horror-struck people looked at the enraged woman.

Henry was on the verge of a breakdown. He wished he had sent his nervous system far-far away before it cracked and shattered under the weight of the problems his people had dragged him into. He looked at their guest and found him completely paralyzed; neither did he move after Margaret's outburst, nor did he even blink. With a nervous sigh, Henry passed his gaze onto the others. The majority of them looked no better than the General. They all looked more like the exhibits of Madame Tussauds than living beings. The exception was Margaret herself, still fuming Frank and Hawkeye, who came back to life almost immediately. What the Captain did next, did not simply surprise Henry, but completely blew him away.

"Sorry, Margaret," said the chief surgeon, guilt and fear in his tone, "please calm down. Think about your future… about your future baby."

"What baby?" cried Frank, shifting his stare from the surgeon to the nurse. "I knew it!" he yelled in a second, "I should have guessed earlier there were something between you two!" He frantically looked around, his eyes gleaning manically. Soon his gaze fell onto Father Mulcahy and the gun, clenched in the priest's hand. In a flash Frank jumped at him to get his weapon back, but was stopped by Klinger.

"The gun is not loaded, Major." he gasped, not breaking his firm grip.

"I'll find the way!" screamed Frank, "Let me go!"

"No, I won't, Major." said Klinger rather calmly.

"I said let me go you, pervert!"

"Shut up, Major!"

This time it was the General. The freezing spell Margaret had somehow cast on him was no longer keeping him immobilized. His patience wearing out, he obviously decided to take the full control over the situation and clench all the arguments.

Henry exchanged glances with the General, trying to put all the gratitude he now felt into his expression. The older man gave him a slight and brief smile before turning to the stunned people before him.

"I think it's time for you all to calm down and tell us the whole story from the beginning..." he said.

"Yeah, Margaret, tell us about your little affairs with Pierce and McIntyre!" spat Frank, not ceasing his attempts to break free from Klinger's grasp.

The General, obviously not content with Frank's interruption, looked at the surgeon with contempt, "Major, if you do not keep quiet, I will order to sedate you," he said with a threatening glare, "Is that clear?"

Frank only nodded, not taking his frightened eyes off the General; as always he shrank in the face of danger.

"I propose to start with the Major," the guest made a short bow in the direction of Margaret, "her part of the tale is the most interesting." he turned to Henry "Do you agree, Colonel?"

"Yes sir," replied Henry, relieved that they had at last reached some kind of order. "Radar..?"

"I will bring something for your nerves sir."

"Bring us something for the nerves…" Henry stopped, realizing that Radar had already predicted his order, "thanks Radar," he said, catching the General's amused smile, "that bottle I asked you to hide under my pillow." he added.

"Yes sir." answered Radar, disappearing behind the double doors.

Everybody's eyes followed the Corporal's retreating back, and then turned back to their commander and visiting officer.

"Let's all sit down." said the General.

Even though Henry felt extremely uncomfortable with the superior officer nosing into their business, it was also a relief that somebody else had taken this mess under control.

All what Henry had to do was to watch, listen and pray that everything wouldn't lead to a complete disaster. The Colonel watched his people, one by one, take their seats at the nearest table, obeying the received order without objection. There was something in their guest, some kind of power that made him the most masterful commander Henry had ever seen. Nobody dared disobeying him.

"Well," the General continued, "I suppose it's high time to begin our journey through the last two days."

"Why the last two days?" asked Henry without thinking.

"You should put more attention to what your people say to you, Henry," the older man answered as if he had to explain something to a child, "your company clerk mentioned this fact."

"Oh, yeah how could I miss it?"

The General waved his hand dismissively and turned to the silent people before him. "Like I already said, we'd better start with Major Houlihan." he said.

Henry saw Margaret straiten he back, square her shoulders and look directly at the investigator. All her "Majority" present, she began her tale.

"You're right, General," she said, "for me, this all began early in the morning, yesterday's morning."

"Do tell us everything, Major."

Margaret nodded and continued with the story.

"I had a night shift with Pierce…"

* * *

><p>"<em>You're absolutely impossible, Pierce!"<em>

"_I can say the same for you, Major!" Hawkeye answered feverishly, "It's IMPOSSIBLE to be in one room with you, not to mention being under your command."_

"_What are you talking about__, bastard?" Margaret cried._

"_Let's see…" Hawkeye paused as if searching for a good answer, "If I were one of your nurses, I would smother you with your own pillow." he finished._

_The Captain's answer enraged Margaret beyond any limits. __"Mind your own business!" the head nurse yelled, not caring to wake the sleeping patients._

"_And you, watch your temper, Major "Perfect"," Hawkeye retorted, "I'd also advise you to watch your hormones, Hot Lips. Find Frank, he can help you with that!"_

"_I will not let you treat me like that, Captain!" Margaret shouted back, "I will file a report for this abuse!"_

_With one more venomous glare toward Hawkeye, Margaret strode out of the post-op, slamming one of the double doors behind her._

* * *

><p>"Do all your shifts with the Captain go like this?" asked the General, his eyes wide.<p>

"Not at all, General," answered Hawkeye, "Sometimes they are much worse."

"Shut up Pierce!" snapped Margaret, "I was in a bad mood that morning."

"Now I know why…"

"Stop it!" said The General, silencing them both, "All must be in due course. Please, go on Major."

"On the way to my tent, I remembered that I had left my watch in the post-op," Margaret obediently continued, "It's my father's and I could not just leave it there."

"So, you decided to go back." stated the General.

"Yes I did."

* * *

><p>"<em>I hope Pierce has already left." Margaret said through<em>_ her teeth when the double doors finally appeared before her. She was about to push one of them when two low voices stilled her movements. Her hand hung in midair; she tried to catch the meaning behind the whispers. She knew exactly who these voices belonged to. It would prove no good if Pierce and McIntyre were discussing something in hushed tone. Ten out of ten they were after something and it was a good chance for Margaret to ruin their plans._

_Margaret slowed her breath and tried to concentrate on what the captains were talking about._

"…_I wish I could come with you." said Pierce with disappointment._

"_I'd wish that too, Hawk," was McIntyre's reply, "I need somebody to take care of me after that fateful day."_

"_I can imagine your condition…"_

_The rest of Pierce's phrase was lost when Radar mumbled something in his sleep, making Margaret pass all her attention to him. Swearing under her breath and __granting the sleeping company clerk with an annoyed look, Margaret returned to her task._

"…_Have you already told your wife?" _

"_No, I haven't." said McIntyre, "I'll tell her only when I return to the camp, the news will be quite shocking…"_

_Radar coughed. Margaret nearly jumped, but refrained from shouting at the Corporal, she needed him asleep after all. _

"_Will you go straight to the hospital?" asked Pierce._

"_Yes, I thought it would be better."_

_Both men fell silent for a while. _

_Margaret couldn't believe her ears. "What is going on? What condition Pierce is talking about? Why does it have anything to do with McIntyre visiting a hospital? Is McIntyre ill?"_

"_Will you try something for your wife's sake?" Pierce suddenly asked, "It will be hard for a woman to lose the man she truly ever loved…"_

"_I don't put much hope, Hawk," said McIntyre rather sadly, "There's no cure and you know it."_

_Margaret's heart sank, she swayed, as if her legs could no longer support the weight of her own body. With a huge effort she stu__mbled through the room, trying to get outside as quickly as possible. The last thing she cared about was her watch._

* * *

><p><strong>TBC<strong>


	3. Siding with the Enemy

**Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, Everyone!**

**I VERY VERY VERY sorry that I abandoned the story for such a long time. I simply didn't have time for it since I started a new school abroad. I hope to manage my time better in the next semester))) Also my computer crashed and I had to restore lots of my files…**

**Anyway, if at least some of you are still interested, I'm determined to finish it. So, please please please REVIEW))) (p.s. I'm always sorry for my English as it's not my native language)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own MASH, I wish I did though)))**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 3 <strong>

**Siding with the Enemy **

"Please continue, Major," the General said impatiently.

Everybody looked at the guest to see his eyes gleaming with excitement.

"Tell us what happened next," the old man repeated.

"Why don't we let McIntyre explain everything?" Henry whispered, "Don't we need to find out what is wrong with him first?"

"I want to try and fill all the blank spots myself, Henry," the General whispered back.

Such a response put Henry completely off guard. It was strange and a bit frightening to see how happy the higher officer had suddenly become. The man was clearly enjoying all the commotion and looked like a predator that had suddenly sensed the prey.

"But the Major is quite distressed by her discovery, General," Henry tried again.

The General huffed in frustration. "Alright, Henry," he said irritably, "let's clear this right now…" he trailed off, pausing only to pierce Trapper with a "don't-you-dare-lie-to-me" look, "Are you sick, Captain?" he asked.

"No." the latter answered shrugging his shoulders, "I have absolutely no idea how the Major could have driven such a conclusion from what she had heard".

"Good," the General answered, turning to Henry "Did you get your answer Colonel?" he asked him sarcastically.

"Yes but…"

"Now we all know that the Captain is NOT dying," he said the in a testy voice, "and NOW Major Houlihan may continue her story…"

"I won't tell you a thing before these bastards," Margaret cried, sending her angry glare toward the two Captains, "before these two give us all the details of their morning talk".

"Why would we?" Trapper said stubbornly, "It's a secret".

"It is no longer a secret since you started all this!" screamed Margaret.

"We did not!" objected Trapper, "It's not our fault that you added eavesdropping to the list of your hobbies!"

This was obviously the last spark to make Margaret's patience explode with a deafening blow, "I would not tolerate such treatment!" she screamed.

"Margaret, please, calm down," said Hawkeye, putting his hand on the nurse's shoulder and giving Trapper a reproachful look, "Trap is just a naughty boy. I assure you that everything is fine and nobody's dying".

Margaret looked at Hawkeye and, to Henry's astonishment, fell silent. Was it exhaustion or did her hormonal level change so much? Henry shook his head. After McIntyre's illness, Margaret's pregnancy was his next concern and, as soon as the Colonel's fears for his surgeon were put to rest, it finally took his mind over. Was Margaret really pregnant? What made Pierce think so? Henry shook his head again, trying to call the swirling thoughts to order. Why is the General so slow with his investigation? The man didn't even try to hide his amusement. Henry remembered the General's assistant telling him something about his past intelligence service. Was it just another war game for him? It didn't take Henry long to realize that his guess had hit home. The old bloodhound was more than happy to be back in action, smelling out the truth while all the clues were still warm.

"Pray continue, Major," he said, "I promise you that we will get truth out of these men".

The General's words did wonders. Henry's jaw dropped when he saw his head nurse give a curt nod and obediently continue with her story.

"I felt that I needed fresh air," she finally said.

_Despite the warm wind, caressing her face, the rest of her body was shivering violently. How could McIntyre be so calm? How could he keep this from his wife? The only thought of this poor woman and the grief that would crush on her, made Margaret sick. Nobody deserved it. McIntyre's wife didn't deserve losing her husband and his daughters didn't deserve to lose their dad in the middle of the war. _

_The early morning sun was finally waking up, filling the air with the most unbearable heat it could ever produce, the worst conditions for somebody to stay conscious or even alive. Feeling that her battle with the upcoming sickness would be lost, Margaret ran in the direction of her tent. The task appeared to be much more difficult than she thought..._

"Let me guess," cut in Hawkeye, "You bumped into Frank."

"How did you know?" Margaret asked in bewilderment.

"I saw your little domestic fight," the Captain answered.

Henry saw Margaret's expression change from anger to panic in less than a second once she realized that Hawkeye was about to discuss her and Frank's relationship in front of the General. "Well, I did meet Major Burns on my way to the tent Pierce," she said coldly, her tone even and absolutely indifferent.

"I'm not interested in the nature of the affair that you have with Major Burns, Major," said the General.

Margaret paled. "How did you know?" she mumbled, struggling with every sound.

"Major Burns's reaction to your supposed relationship with Captain Pierce made his role in your life quite obvious," the man retorted, waving his hand in a dismissive way, clearly showing that this part of her tale was not worth his attention.

Henry watched with amusement as Margaret's face twisted with the mixed emotions of anger and embarrassment. She looked defiantly at Frank and Hawkeye as if expecting them to give a comment or blaming them for her humiliation, but the two of them were surprisingly silent.

"Captain Pierce will tell us his part of the story a bit later, Major," the General said loudly, making Margaret turn back to him, "let's finish yours first."

Seeing Margaret nod, go back to her story and not even trying to object, Henry could not help but feel jealous of the General's authoritative nature. If he could silence Margaret Houlihan, he would surely not find it difficult to rule the whole country with a flick of his wrist. Or was it just his rank that kept her quiet? Failing to find an answer in his still buzzing head Henry switched his mind back to the Major's tale. "He'd better finish with these questionings soon," Henry thought ruefully, taking in the General's twinkling eyes full of anticipation, "or my head will explode".

"_Margaret!" gasped Frank, trying to hide the anxiety of seeing her, "I've been hoping to meet you after your shift, but you had left before I got to the post-op."_

"_Post-op…" Margaret repeated automatically not paying real attention to Frank's words._

"_Margaret, what happened?" Frank asked with confusion._

"_Happened…" echoed Margaret still trying to catch the sense of Frank's words to her, "nothing happened, Frank," she said at last._

"_You don't look like you're fine, darling," objected Frank, grasping Margaret's shoulders and looking her in the eyes, "You actually look like you've seen a ghost," he said calmly. _

"_A ghost?" asked Margaret blocking her mind from Frank's words as soon as a new wave of sickness turned her stomach, "ghost…" she repeated taking in the meaning of the word that had just escaped her own lips. Something clicked in her head when the nature of what Frank had said dawned on her, "Ghost… McIntyre's dying…Ghost…he's dying…" _

"_I DID NOT SEE A GHOST!" she shouted at the top of her voice, "I DON'T WANT TO SEE A GHOST!" _

_She swayed when the last bit of air seemed to leave her lungs. Her head spinning uncontrollably, she frantically grabbed Frank's shoulder with a tight grip. Not expecting this, the man jumped and staggered under her weight. _

"_Margaret, what happened to you?" he babbled trying to regain his balance._

_Margaret opened her mouth for a becoming answer or better for a good affront to this senseless bastard who drove her to such a state with his stupid choice of words, but the sudden wave of sickness made her change her mind. She looked around for the nearest bushes and ran to her new destination before she was forced to empty the contents of her stomach in the middle of the compound. _

"_Margaret!" _

_When Frank caught up with her, she was already bent in half and trembling all over. The only help he could provide was to hold her hair that threatened to get into her mouth._

"_Margaret, what happened darling?" he pleaded when she finished and slowly rose to her feet, hungrily catching air with her mouth, "How can I help you?" he asked closing his arms around her shoulders._

"_Thanks a lot!" Margaret snapped, not looking at the Major, "I don't need your help anymore!"_

"_What do you mean?" Frank asked bewildered, "Can you do anything with this sickness? It's all this heat, you know…" _

"_It is you, idiot!" roared Margaret, "You are the reason of my sickness!"_

"_Margaret…"_

"_Get away from me Frank!"_

_Margaret's morning was getting worse with every second. First the fight with Pierce that was quite enough to give her headache for the rest of the day, then the dying McIntyre. Answering Frank's stupid questions was the last thing she wanted. She was almost calm; she was simply trying to get to her tent when Frank stopped her with all these talks about ghosts… McIntyre… ghost… Margaret rubbed her face to hide the fresh tears coming from her tired eyes. He didn't deserve such an end; McIntyre was one of their own, he was a good doctor and a good friend. _

"_I wonder what Pierce is feeling about all this?" she whispered once the thought of McIntyre's friend popped into her mind._

"_Pierce?" asked Frank, "Why Pier… Margaret! Where are you going?"_

_When Frank got to his feet, Margaret was already in the middle of the compound, running in the direction of the Swamp. No matter how angry she was with Pierce at that moment, she needed to speak to him… _

"_Margaret!"_

_Margaret turned around expecting to see Frank, but the Major was still trying to catch up with her while the voice had definitely come from other direction. _

"_Margaret, are you alright? I saw you getting sick…"_

_This time Margaret traced the sound of the voice and saw none other than Pierce coming up to her with a worried expression on his face._

"_I want to talk to you," she said once he approached her._

_He nodded looking strangely worried, "I… I…" the Captain said, stumbling through the stutter she would never imagine him having, "I was wrong," he said at last, looking right into her red, tear-stained eyes._

"_Never mind!" Margaret said quickly, brushing his apologies aside, "I need to tell you something…"_

"_What are you two talking about?"_

_Both Margaret and Hawkeye jumped and looked at the angry Major who had finally caught with them. _

"_It's none of your business, Frank," hissed Margaret desperately thinking how to get rid of the annoying Major._

_Frank's reaction to her words was instant, "What is going on between you two?" he yelled, not paying attention to the fact that he could be heard by the whole camp._

"_Nothing is going on between us, Frank!" snapped Margaret, "Please leave me alone;" she added more calmly, "I can't see your face right now"._

"_Margaret, what does it mean?"_

"_Now! Leave me alone now!" she cried, shifting her attention from Frank to Hawkeye, "Pierce, I will see you later," she said before storming in the direction of her tent. _

"_Why is Frank so annoying?" she thought, striding to her tent, "Why couldn't he simply comfort her instead of triggering her memory with his talks about ghosts?" She looked at the two silent doctors one more time and entered the empty tent. _

* * *

><p><strong>To be continued...<strong>_  
><em>


	4. Devilish Jealousy

**Here you go))) Next chapter is up))**

**I'm really sorry for all the possible mistakes, but I'm trying my best.**

**Please enjoy and say what you think**

**Disclaimer: don't own anything)**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 4<strong>

**Devilish Jealousy**

"So you two were left alone," the General said patiently, passing his attention from Margaret to Frank and Hawkeye.

"Yes we were," said Frank proudly, "and I confronted him."

"You did what, Frank?" laughed Trapper, locking his eyes with Hawkeye's, "I suppose he scared the life out of you with this confrontation, Hawk," he said mockingly.

"Shut up McIntyre!" snapped Frank, "Pierce was scared so much that he fled before I could have started questioning him more seriously."

This time the whole mess tent erupted with laughter; even Margaret couldn't keep her face straight at such childish behavior that Frank demonstrated.

"Burns, do you honestly think you understand what you have just said?" asked the General.

"He doesn't General," Trapper said through a fit of hiccups, "he…_hic…_is…_hic…_too…_hic_… brilliant to think otherwise."

"Easy Trap," said Hawkeye quietly, padding his friend on the back, "hiccupping with laughter is something new for you. You don't want to appear at the wedding not being able to say a word, do you?"

"I wish I could say something more," Trapper whispered back, "I swear Thompson has gone too far with his games and it pains me to make my wife talk to Susan and break the girl's heart…"

"Ha!" the General said enthusiastically, "I think I know what our captains are hiding, Henry," he said, lowering his voice so that Henry had to strain his ears to hear him.

"What do you mean?" Henry asked, trying to catch what the man deduced from the captains' brief exchange.

"When is McIntyre going to Tokyo?" the older man asked instead.

"Next week," Henry answered, "but why?"

"I will explain later," the General answered, looking intently at the surgeons, who looked back catching the man's gaze.

"You see General," Trapper asked him joyfully, "what kind of reaction Frank's stupidity awakes in all of us?"

"Shut up, bustard!" yelled Frank.

"Silence Major!" the General ordered, "I think you need…"

"Water Major."

Everybody looked at Radar who had somehow appeared out of thin air. The Corporal had a bag on his shoulder that was clinking whenever he moved and a glass of water in his hand. Henry completely forgot that he had sent Radar to get "something for their nerves" and the boy had obviously brought them all that the Colonel had saved for a rainy day. Making a mental note to order more, he looked at the company clerk, silently thanking him for his work.

"I will not drink this!" yelled Frank, making the Corporal jump and nearly spill all the water, "This sneaky rat has probably put something in the glass!"

"I did not!" Radar objected.

"You always say like this," Frank hissed back.

"Leave the boy alone, Major," the General said, "he only wanted to help."

"I know what he wanted," grumbled Frank, "Get lost!" he snapped at Radar, who, startled by the Major's cry, only answered "yes sir" and ran behind Henry's back for support.

"Instead of taking your frustration out on the Corporal, continue please with the story, Major," the General said angrily before passing his gaze to Hawkeye, "Pierce, do you mind if I let Burns speak first?" he asked the Captain, "I want to get rid of it faster…"

"General!" cut it Frank, "I…" he started, but was immediately silenced by the General's raised hand.

"… before he blows up…" the older man finished.

"Not at all, General," answered Hawkeye, "I have always loved to listen to fairy-tales."

"Begin, Major," the General ordered.

Looking at Hawkeye with disgust, Frank continued…

"_What did you tell her?" Frank shouted at Hawkeye, as soon as Margaret disappeared behind the canvas door._

_The Captain looked back, piercing Frank with a venomous glare, ready to burn a hole in his head with his look "Shut up, Frank, it's all your fault! Now she won't speak to anyone before she cools down!" he snapped before storming in the opposite direction, as Frank assumed, would be the famous Rosie's bar._

"Wow, Frank," said Hawkeye cheerfully, "I never knew you being a poet."

"Neither did I" added Trapper, "I never heard you being so keen with metaphors like "burning a hole in someone's head" before. Can you make up another one about the way I am looking at you now?"

"Leave him alone!" said Margaret.

"Are you defending him now, Major?" asked Trapper with a raised eyebrow, "As far as I understood, you were angry with him for upsetting you."

"Shut up, McIntyre!" barked Margaret, "It doesn't matter now!"

"Trap, please, calm down," Hawkeye said patiently.

"Hawk, don't begin this again," sighed Trapper, turning to his best friend, "there's no point for you to defend her since we all know that she is not pregnant. She got sick because of Frank's stupidity and the most "appropriate choice of words for… that kind of situation"".

"I know Trap, but I don't think she deserves it now," Hawkeye replied, "It's our fault that she has gone through this in the first place, after all."

Henry saw McIntyre give Pierce an understanding look, as if realizing what he and his friend had done to Margaret. "You're right Hawk," he whispered, completely unaware that his low voice had been heard by everybody.

As soon as Pierce cut off McIntyre's attack, the tent fell completely silent; even Frank seemed speechless. Margaret looked at Pierce gratefully, saying "thank you" to the Captain, who simply nodded in reply.

"Waite a minute," Frank found his voice at last, "what was this exchange meant for?"

"Nothing, Frank," said Margaret tiredly.

"How can you thank Pierce after the fight you two had in the post-op? What did you find in him?"

"Tact, Frank! Something that YOU are obviously lacking!" Margaret answered angrily.

This time Henry could not sit still. Totally aware of Frank's stupidity, coming hand in hand with sometimes frightening cruelty, the Colonel was still taken aback by the Major's words and actions of the last two days. It was time to let the Ferret Face finish his part of the story and try to ignore him for the rest of time. Having locked his eyes with the General's, Henry saw that the older mad had thought the same.

"Frank," said Henry, looking at him with disgust, "just tell us what happened next."

"Colonel, I must repeat that you can't talk to me like this in front of the General…"

"I do not care about it Frank!" Henry cut him off, "I'm running a hospital if you still haven't noticed and to hell with your Army Officer's Guide stupid rules! Sorry, Father," he added, aggressing his apology to the silent priest.

"Oh, Colonel, I didn't hear anything," said Mulcahy with a meaningful look.

Henry nodded and looked at the General. Sudden fear that the man might not like him criticizing the army regulations squeezed his heart with an icy grip. The last thing he wanted was to be court-martialed for his disrespect to him and the army regulations.

"Sorry, General," he repeated his apology.

The General's response though proved to be quite the opposite: the old officer's expression did not show the slightest trace of anger at the Colonel's words. "I think that everybody must do what they are good at. This is your field, Colonel. If your hospital is working as it should work under all the circumstances that we have here, I have no intention to criticize the discipline," he said, "I hope my point is clear?" he added looking at Frank.

"Yes, General," Frank answered.

"Then continue with the story, Major," he said, "otherwise the Corporal," he nodded at Radar, who had just passed him the second glass of Gin, "will have to bring us something stronger than stress relievers," he smiled making a sip.

Still grumbling under his nose about mad degenerates that ruin the whole war, Frank went on.

"_Major, are you sure you need this?"_

"_Of course I am sure!" said Frank irritably, "Give me this glass right away!"_

_Klinger took the bottle, poured the brown liquid into an empty glass and passed it to the Frank. "What happened Major?" he asked, "I have never seen you drink whiskey before."_

"_It's none of your business, Corporal!" snapped Frank, nursing the glass in his hands, "I don't have to answer to the enlisted men!"_

"Frank! How rude!"

"Shut up McIntyre!"

"Enough!" the General, who already started turning red, bellowed, "I think it's time to change the story-teller. I can't stand this skirmish between your surgeons any longer, Henry."

"It's understandable, General," Henry answered, "I have to stand it every day… I mean, I'm not saying that they're often like that," Henry trailed off thinking, "damn it, they always are," he confessed, admitting his defeat.

"Here's your Gin, Colonel," said Radar.

"Pass me… thanks Radar," Henry answered when the glass suddenly appeared in his hand before he could finish his sentence.

The General meanwhile smiled at Radar's efficiency and patted Henry's shoulder. "Colonel," he said, "I made my point. I do not care how unmilitary and undisciplined your people are if they do they job and do it well," he looked at Klinger, who was wearing a polka-dot light silk dress and a straw hat, "I came here to see with my own eyes what I have heard about your people and I was not disappointed. But right now all I want is to finish our little session as soon as possible."

Feeling the tension gradually leave his body and some self-esteem creep back, Henry nodded. Obviously taking Henry's gesture as a cart-blanche, the General fixed his eyes on Klinger.

"Let's continue with you, Corporal," he said.

"Yes sir," Klinger saluted enthusiastically.

"Waite a minute," cut in Frank, "nobody wants to listen to me?"

"We tried to break it to you as gently as possible, Frank," said Hawkeye

"Knock it off!"

Hawkeye opened his mouth, but stopped under the General's stern gaze. With a meaningful gesture of zipping his mouth, he turned his full attention to Klinger.

"Major you may go if you want," the General said to Frank.

"No I want to stay," Frank answered stubbornly.

"Then I encourage all of you to be quiet unless I ask you to speak," the older man declared addressing an "I-won't-except-any-objection" look to everybody in the tent.

Grave silence that Henry and the General got in response was the very "yes" they wanted.

"Please, speak, Corporal," said the old officer.

_Klinger walked into the Officers' Club to bump into Frank shouting at the barman to give him the whole bottle of whiskey. Hoping to seize the upcoming storm, the Corporal had carefully taken the bottle from the barman's hands before it was passed to Frank. The Corporal didn't have the slightest desire to babysit the distraught Major, but something told him that leaving Frank alone was not safe. The man did not drink at all and Klinger somehow feared the consequence of the surgeon's actions. _

"_Major, are you sure you need this?"_

"_Of course I am sure!" said Frank irritably, "Give me this glass right away!"_

_Klinger took the bottle, poured the brown liquid into an empty glass and passed it to the surgeon. "What happened Major?" he asked, "I have never seen you drink whiskey before"_

"_It's none of your business, Corporal!" snapped Frank, nursing the glass in his hands, "I don't have to answer to the enlisted men!"_

"_I'm only trying to help," he tried again only to receive "I don't need your help!" as an answer. It was clearly pointless to try to extract some information from this man. The only thing Klinger was sure about was the feeling that it would not end well if he chose to leave Frank alone. An only option for him was to watch the Major carefully to figure out what had caused his distress and what he was going to do next._

_Having come with the decision, he stood up. "Okay, Major," he said, "I'm leaving you to your thoughts now."_

"_Get lost!" was Frank's "polite" reply._

"What did the Major do next?" the General asked, obviously willing to go straight to the point.

"I saw him go back to the Swamp," Klinger answered simply.

"And?" asked Henry

"And what?"

"Klinger!" cried Henry, losing his patience, "What did he do?"

"Sorry sir," the Corporal answered with an offended tone, "I was just going to get to that part when you interrupted me."

"Don't try our patience, Corporal…"

"I wouldn't have dreamed about it, oh my General!"

"Klinger!" everyone shouted in unison, making the Corporal jump and fall silent.

"What did the Major do in his tent, Corporal?" Henry asked after a pause.

"I saw him take out his gun," Klinger answered, "so I went to Father Mulcahy's to ask for advice."

After these words Mulcahy nodded, "Klinger said that Major Burns was up to no good and we had to stop it."

"Go on, Father," the General encouraged him; "we're listening to both of you."

Seeing the Corporal's eyes gleam with excitement, Henry understood that the next part of his story Klinger would definitely enjoy.

* * *

><p><strong>To be continued...<strong>


	5. Conspirators

**Hello Guys) Sorry about the late update, but I had some internet issues. **

**Here's the new chapter at last... Don't worry if you're confused, because I wanted you to be confused))) It's absolutely normal to be confused in the very middle of an investigation. I you got the idea that nobody is dying or pregnant or secretly dating someone, then you have got as much as I wanted you to! I hope his chapter will add more pieces to this "puzzle", and I will clarify all the rest with the next one (which will probably be the last)**

**Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own neither MASH, nor the characters. I wish I did)))**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 5<strong>

**Conspirators**

"_Father! Are you there? I need to talk to you!"_

_Mulcahy startled awake as soon as he heard their crazy corporal frantically banging on his door. He did not even notice how he began to doze off. The last thing he remembered was his bible lying on his desk in front of him… then he apparently decided to use the book instead of a pillow. Burning with shame, the priest rubbed his tired eyes and looked at his door, behind which he knew Klinger was now standing. It was a difficult week for the chaplain and Klinger was not the right person he wanted to see at that moment. He was not angry with Klinger, he was a priest after all, but he couldn't control the annoyance he felt when seeing the man after his latest attempt to run away. The plan was definitely ridiculous and absolutely stupid. How could Klinger think that something like that would work? The only thought of that day when he had to explain to the MPs that there were no gorillas in Korea and they could not possibly see one riding a bicycle, was enough for the priest to send the standing behind his door Corporal away, just before he would drag him into more of his adventures. Klinger was lucky that after dealing with the MPs, Mulcahy managed to catch up with him. The consequences of this AWOL could be much direr should the gorilla be spotted at large by someone higher than a couple of sergeants… Suddenly, Mulcahy's unpleasant thoughts were interrupted by Klinger, who had apparently waited long enough, bursting into his tent. _

"_Sorry Father, I didn't disturb you, did I?"_

"_I won't speak to you before you tell me that you returned the gorilla suit back to the captains…" the priest's irritation at the man quickly dissipated when he saw the Corporal's worried face._

"_What is it, Klinger?" he asked quickly, not thinking about the suit anymore, "Is it a patient?"_

"_No, it's Major Burns," Klinger said with panic._

_Though taken aback by the answer, Mulcahy decided to postpone the further questioning, because everything in the Corporal showed that the matter was urgent. _

"_What happened with Major Burns?" he asked._

"_He got drunk, Father, very drunk," Klinger answered quickly, "then he went to the Swamp and took out his gun."_

"_His gun?" Mulcahy asked in bewilderment._

"_He was mumbling something about killing Captain Pierce," was the Corporal's reply, "this idea of his is not actually a surprise for me," he added shrugging his shoulders._

_Mulcahy nodded, "Captain Pierce is the most obvious target the Major may choose for revenge," he said, "I wonder what Hawkeye did to invoke such wrath."_

"_I don't know Father, but we must do something," said Klinger, "he can't be left alone for long, I only left him for a couple of minutes to get you, he's fallen asleep," he added with a smirk, "I guess whiskey is too much for him."_

"_And do you know where Hawkeye is?"_

"_He has just entered the tent," the Corporal answered, "I know he had a night shift, but I don't know where he was after that."_

_This was not good; they'd better keep their eyes on both the surgeons and do not let them be in the same tent without anyone else around. "Let's go then and see what can be done," said Mulcahy, rising to his feet. _

"So you decided to keep watch over the surgeons' tent and steal the weapon when the time allowed you to do it," said the General.

"This exactly what we decided to do, sir," answered Mulcahy, taking out the bullets from his pocket, "I stole them as soon as the Major went to the post-op. Klinger and I saw Radar come in and wake Major Burns; then they both left."

"And Captain Pierce?"

"Hawkeye was still asleep," said Klinger, looking both at the General and at the Captain, "we were really worried about your well-being, Captain," he added.

"Why?" asked Hawkeye, obviously taken aback by the seriousness in the Corporal's voice, "Major Burns has always had a grudge on me, I could have handled him myself."

"This was different, Captain," answered Klinger, "the Father will agree that, before leaving the tent with Radar, Major Burns looked at your sleeping form with such malice that we were afraid he would strangle you with his bare hands…"

"He's right," cut in Mulcahy seeing Hawkeye's skeptic expression, "I saw it too. I'm afraid he would have done something bad if not for Radar who was waiting for him behind the door."

Behind his back Henry felt Radar give a nervous start, "I saw him doing something with the gun after I woke him," he whispered.

"You couldn't have known," said Henry, "Frank likes to play with his toy and he was allowed to," he finished bitterly.

"I have every right to carry a gun!" snapped Frank, "And I'm still not fully convinced that those two don't have a secret affaire!" he added, giving Hawkeye a killing glare.

"I'm really tired of it, Frank," said Margaret with a sigh, "there's nothing between us."

"And you can't threaten people with your gun, Major," said Henry.

Frank opened his mouth to protest but quickly shut up seeing the General's murderous expression.

Grateful though Henry was to the older man for taking the whole situation in his own hands, he couldn't help feeling jealous. Perhaps it was exhaustion or just his shattered nerves, but he didn't go far in understanding all the facts that his people had been revealing for several hours. Everything he heard so far sounded so confusing that he could no longer follow his people's crazy reasoning. The General, however, seemed to be completely in his element, not losing a single detail in the narrations. How did he manage to catch up with all this nonsense? "This is how the brains of a real spy must work," he thought, beginning to see the older man in completely different light, "Flagg's stupid games won't even come close to what this man had seen and done." Thinking of what exactly the General could see in his long career and finally deciding that he did not want to know the details, Henry again tried to concentrate on the matter at hand. What did he understand himself? Almost nothing was the frank answer. There was something that he knew for sure: nobody was dying, pregnant or had, Frank and Margaret are not counted, a secret affair. "This was at least something," he thought feeling groggy with exhaustion, "and the General will explain me the rest if he likes this games so much." Satisfied with this idea, Henry let his mind concentrate on what was going on in the tent. First thing that he heard, was Frank's angry voice, demanding to return his gun, obviously the General's murderous glare had not held his tongue for long.

"You proved that you cannot be trusted with a weapon, Major," the man in question answered, "so please keep silent or I will charge you for negligence."

"You hit the point, General," cut in Trapper, "Frank is reckless not only with this stupid gun, but also with the rest of his work."

"I think it applies to his whole medical career," added Hawkeye.

"Shut up you two!" yelled Frank.

"No way, Frank," Trapper said proudly, punching the air with his fist, "At last I'm getting the answers I have been waiting for."

"What are you talking about?" Hawkeye asked his friend.

"I'm talking about our conspirators, Hawk," Trapper answered calmly, "and the reason of their strange behavior."

"You saw Father Mulcahy and Corporal Klinger steal the bullets," the General stated without the slightest trace of a question in his voice.

Trapper nodded, "I only saw the Father and it all seemed extremely strange and I decided to find out what he was up to."

"Please start from the very beginning, Captain," the General advised, "I think we've wasted enough time for the arguments."

"Yes, General," answered Trapper, giving the man a pretended salute.

_It was so good to get rid of Frank. _

_As soon as the Major entered the quiet post-op, the serene atmosphere that had reined the place a minute before, was completely destroyed, as if Frank was also accompanied by a squadron of storm clouds. Not only had he managed to insult both Radar and the nurse on duty in less than five seconds on his way to the desk, he also snapped at the patient who had apparently asked him for something. After hearing "I'm not doing nurses' work", Trapper finally decided to check what the matter was about. The soldier simply asked for a glass of water which, due to the heat outside, was understandable. _

"_Bad mood, Frank?" asked McIntyre, passing the water to the thirsty boy._

"_It's none of your business!" Frank snapped in response._

"_It IS my business if you start taking your anger out on patients and nurses," Trapper retorted._

"_Nurses here don't do their work properly, Captain," Frank said stubbornly._

"_The only one who is not working here is you, Frank," Trapper answered, "and I will pin your license to your forehead if you do not start doing what you have to do without offending anyone!"_

"_I will not tolerate your threats, McIntyre!" Frank yelled, making Trapper give him an evil smirk._

"_As you wish, Frank," he growled before storming out of the post-op._

_Now, standing under the burning sun, which was apparently not going to retreat before the night, all what Trapper thought of was going to the Officer's club for a good drink. The only thing that would improve the situation even further was his best friend beside him. Thinking that the sleeping prince could have got enough rest already, Trapper went to the Swamp to wake him. What he saw behind the canvas wall, though, took his mind away from the booze completely. It was Father Mulcahy… _

"So the Father was rummaging in the Major's possessions," the General stated.

"That's correct," Trapper said cheerfully, "this was exactly what he was doing. I saw him take something from under Frank's mattress, but I was standing too far to see clearly."

"It was the gun," helped Mulcahy, "I unloaded it."

"And what did you do next?" the General asked.

"I went to my tent where Klinger was waiting for my return," the priest answered, "We decided that it would be better if I entered the Swamp alone. I could have come up with a story of being there, but the two of us would look suspicious."

"Father," said Hawkeye with a smile, "believe me, you did look suspicious. If Trapper thought that you were up to something, anyone would."

"Hey!" cried Trapper, "I'm not that bad! I even decided to investigate it."

"And what did you find, Sherlock?" Hawkeye asked sarcastically.

"Nothing," Trapper answered, shrugging his shoulders, "but I tried."

"Good for you," was Hawkeye's reply, "now you may see the work of a professional detective," he nodded at the General who nodded in response with a sly smirk on his lips, "and learn something from him."

"Ha-ha!" exclaimed Trapper, "You're no better than me," he cocked his head at Margaret, "Who jumped to the wrong conclusion and decided that the Major was pregnant?"

"It was not my fault," Hawkeye objected, "all the clues I had, led me to it. The Major's possible pregnancy was the only explanation I found for everything I happened to be the witness for…"

"Alright Captains," the General cut in, affectively silencing the arguing surgeons, "I think that all of you did exceptionally well to confuse each other. I think now we see the whole picture. Don't we, Henry?" he asked the Colonel.

Not expecting such a direct question, Henry tried to sort out the mess in his mind for the thousandth time and miserably failed. "I do understand some aspects," he answered cautiously, "But can you summaries everything anyway?" he finished, admitting his defeat.

"And I still want to know what their talk was about," said Margaret, giving the two surgeons a stern look, clearly indicating that she was still blaming them for her stress.

Pleased by the opportunity to demonstrate his detective skills, the General smiled. "Well I think a short summary will probably help to put everything that we gathered so far into perspective," he said. "I believe it is better to start with this very talk as it appeared to be the cause of what happened next," he continued, "But fist I need to confirm my theory," he added thoughtfully. "Captain McIntyre," he addressed Trapper, putting all his authority into the tone of his voice, "Tell me the exact date of your R&R in Tokyo."

"I'm going there in five days, General," Trapper answered, eager to find out if the General would be correct with his deductions.

"Very good!" the General said, "are you somehow acquainted with Major Geoffrey Thompson?"

Trapper beamed, "I do know him, General," he said joyfully, "he's my old friend."

"Excellent!" the General exclaimed, "Now I may build my theory and you, Captain, will correct me if I am wrong in some aspects."

Both Trapper and Hawkeye nodded this time. Henry saw the General's eyes gleam with excitement. The man definitely enjoyed to be back in action, even though it was inside the limits of a small army hospital. Watching the older man leading the whole investigation with such enthusiasm, the Colonel sighed with relief. Having spent hours in the company of this old intelligence officer, Henry was finally convinced that this man would not press any charges against him and his crazy people. He loved this game too much to care about the regulations.

The General, meanwhile, began.

"I start with the true nature of the surgeons' secret talk," he said, "Having gathered the data I presume that Captain McIntyre has a friend who had some love affair with a woman who, in her course, is close to the Captain's wife. I cannot judge how strong the feelings were on his part, but I am absolutely positive that she loved him dearly; she has always loved him, to be more exact," he corrected himself, "The Captain's friend is getting married to a nurse who works in Tokyo General. Considering all the things I have just said, the Captain here is now the one who must deliver the "good" news to his wife so she could talk to her poor friend…"

"Sister," said Trapper with a sigh, "Susan is her cousin, but they are very close."

The General nodded, "So you all see the reason why McIntyre is so reluctant to speak to his wife about the occasion. I suppose he wants to wait till his friend is married so that he would not have the way back," he said looking at Trapper who confirmed the General's words with another nod. "The Captain feels sorry for Susan, and he is also angry with his friend for playing with his sister-in-law's feelings and not telling her everything himself."

"I asked him to do it," said Trapper, "I pleaded him to tell her everything, but he still wrote to her as if she was the only woman in his life. He has long been keeping her as the second option. And now, being a complete coward, he is afraid of serious talks. He does not care if one of us, me or my wife, speaks to her, though," he finished.

"McIntyre's anger is also the reason of why he wanted Captain Pierce to accompany him. I believe the Captain's role, if he went with McIntyre, would be not to let McIntyre lose control of his emotions and punch the bridegroom, especially after strong drinks that he would obviously have at the wedding."

With a content smile the General received two other nods, this time from Trapper and Hawkeye, who had done it in unison.

"Now we see who exactly is the real detective in this room, Trap," said Hawkeye teasingly.

"Believe me, Hawk, I admit it," Trapper answered, "Let me tip my hat to you, General," he added.

"Can you please explain how you knew all of this?" asked Klinger, "I'm afraid I'm missing some parts."

"Everything I needed to know, McIntyre told me himself," the old man said readily, "I only had to draw the links."

"And how did you draw this link between our talk and the sad love story?" asked Trapper.

"Since I assumed that nobody was dying, Captain, I decided that the words "losing the man she truly ever loved" that the Major had heard from McIntyre, were meant for some unfortunate love affair," the detective said, "All the rest I got from McIntyre himself. I admit that Pierce's desire of taking care of his friend and some hints on McIntyre's condition confused me a lot. But when I accidentally heard the Captains talk about some wedding and a man by the name of Thompson, everything became clear. I only had to do combine the clues that I had."

"But how could you possibly know so much about the wedding?" asked Trapper.

"This part is the most simple, Captain," the General smiled, "I happen to have been invited to this wedding as well."

"You what?" Trapper cried.

"I am from the bride's side, Captain," the man answered calmly, "and, to tell you the truth, I am not so much content with her choice."

"Why am I not surprised that you probably know more about the bridegroom's past than any other worried relatives should?" asked Hawkeye.

The General smiled meaningfully, "I only knew that he had a girl who used to send him lots of letters and that he replied to them, I discovered the girl's name of course," he said, "But once the subject of the wedding appeared in the context of McIntyre's anger, along with his worries for his wife and the very same girl, the girl who was about to lose the man she loved…"

"You got your answer," finished Hawkeye.

The General smiled again, "Did I clear everything?" he asked.

Everybody nodded in unison; they were definitely falling into habit of doing it.

"Good," the man said, "Now I will ask the captains to fill the blanks in the conversation that the Major had overheard."

"Yes, General," said Hawkeye, "It's our time to shine, Trap."

Trapper smiled, "You'll never leave the opportunity to show off, mate."

"Never," was Hawkeye's answer.

"…_I wish I could come with you." _

"_I'd wish that too, Hawk. I need somebody to take care of me after that fateful day."_

"_I can imagine your condition," said Hawkeye with a smirk, "you will be so drunk that I fear you can punch Geoff very hard. It won't help neither you nor your sister-in-law," he added, his face growing serious. _"…_Have you already told your wife?" he asked._

"_No, I haven't," Trapper answered, "I'll tell her only when I return to the camp, the news will be quite shocking for Susan. I wish I could spare my wife from delivering it. I want to meet Geoff as soon as I'm in Tokyo, I hope to catch him fresh, right after his work. Oh how I want to break this dentist a couple of teeth…"_

"_Will you go straight to the hospital, then?" asked Pierce._

"_Yes, I thought it would be better."_

"_Will you try something for your wife's sake? It will be hard for a woman to lose the man she truly ever loved?"_

"_I don't put much hope, Hawk," Trapper answered, "There's no cure and you know it. Susan loves him and love does not obey orders."_

_Hawkeye sighed and silently went out of the post-op, leaving Trapper with his thoughts._

"Thank you, Captain," said the General, "I suppose we may close this topic now. It's a private matter, after all."

The tent fell into silence. Everybody was waiting for the General to speak and they were not disappointed.

"Well, now I think the short summary is in order before you all pass to the last part of you narration, the one that will tell me and Colonel Blake how you all ended up shouting at each other in the mess tent in the middle of the night," the old man said.

The General's words were greeted with the next set of automatic nods.

* * *

><p><strong>To be continued...<strong>


	6. The Moment of Glory

**Hello Guys! Sorry for taking it so long, but I was rather busy with my studies.**

**I'm planning to post one more chapter after this. So, please tell me if after reading this chapter you are still very confused. Try to understand it because mystery stories should be confusing, but if is still very very unclear so far, even after reading this chapter, let me know. I have an idea of what to do with the final part of the story, but perhaps I would be able to think it over. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own MASH**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 6 <strong>

**The Moment of Glory**

The whole mess tent sank into complete stillness; no one moved or said something as if they all had been suddenly silenced by some mysterious power.

"Now I want to go through everything we had gathered so far," the General said, "I'm also asking you not to interrupt me unless I'm wrong," he added.

Everybody nodded, just like a second ago. Henry looked at his people, trying to guess what they all were thinking about their little adventure. It was definitely the weirdest night in his life. How could all these confusing things happen at the same time? Why does he always have to face the dire consequences whenever he leaves these clowns by themselves? Why can't they spend a single day without doing anything stupid? He knew that he should have stopped asking these questions long ago, he would never have found the answers anyway. Finally deciding not to stuff his head even more, he tried to concentrate on the General. The man seemed to have already begun reciting the sequence of the events. He was standing in the middle of the tent and the others were sitting around him on the benches or, in Hawkeye's and Trapper's cases right on the nearby table. Eager to listen to the General, they all subconsciously moved closer to the older man, making something like a semicircle around him.

"… Major Houlihan and Captain Pierces's shift, as we know, ended in a fight…" the General was retelling, as Henry guessed, still the beginning of the story. Relieved that he hadn't missed much, Henry started focused all his attention on the man's speech, confident that now he would understand all.

"… after the quarrel the Major decided to get out of the post-op as soon as possible. Soon Major Houlihan realized that she had left her watch on the working desk. Unfortunately for her, as soon as she approached the door to the post-op ward, she was forced to overhear the hushed voices of our two captains," the General motioned to the surgeons, who, still surprising Henry with such a reaction, looked ashamed, "The surgeons' talk, or some small pieces that she actually heard, gave poor Margaret the idea that Captain McIntyre was deathly ill. Now we know the true content of the story that the captains were discussing when Margaret returned to the post-op and I won't repeat it," he waited for more nods from the listeners and continued, "I'm not a doctor," he said giving everybody a meaningful glance, "but my profession required extensive knowledge of human reactions under various stressful conditions," he paused as if waiting for them to process what he had just said. These nods that he received were slow and careful, or, in Radar's case, frantic and wide-eyed. Noticing the Corporal's reaction, the General smiled, "Don't worry kid," he told him kindly, "I was mostly responsible for thinking or solving rather than plunging myself straight into action. I mostly worked with secret codes rather than tried to extract these codes from the enemy spies…if you see the difference…" he shrugged his shoulders, "but it doesn't mean I had not gone through the training, as well as a couple of battles… anyway," he waved his hand dismissively, "the point that I wanted to get to, was Major Houlihan's reaction to the stressful news that she had overheard. I think the doctors will agree with me if I say that such symptoms were quite logical."

"We agree, General," said Trapper.

"Good," the older man answered, "Now let's see what we had then…" he took a breath, as if organizing his thoughts to continue, "Major Houlihan was unlucky to endure different kinds of emotions, such as anger or I would say rage, fear and pity for less than five minutes, which only aggravated her exhaustion. Tired after her night shift, she is also enraged by her quarrel with Captain Pierce. I think you were also experiencing some discomfort with the sunburn you have on the back of your neck, Major," he stated without doubt, "which also means you had probably been suffering from a mild bound of sunstroke during the shift."

"Sunstroke?" Henry asked worriedly, "Why didn't you say anything, Major?"

He knew the answer before Margaret could voice it, "I'm not backing out of my duties, Colonel," she answered stubbornly, "and I won't discuss it right now!"

"I'm sorry, Margaret," said Hawkeye, not giving Henry a chance to object, "I shouldn't have shouted at you."

"It is fine, Pierce," Margaret answered calmly, "I appreciate your concern, really," after this statement Hawkeye was rewarded with a friendly and sincere smile.

"Do you know you're beautiful when you're kind?" he asked returning the smile.

"As far as I remember you said I was angry when I was beautiful," she answered, "so now I know that I'm beautiful either way."

Hearing this, Henry decided to deal with Margaret's stupid self-sacrifice later. He simply couldn't help but admire this scene in front of him. Pierce and Houlihan, peacefully and enjoying each other's company was definitely a miraculous occasion. Even Frank, whose obvious intention to start shouting something extremely rude was successfully cut short by the General, could not spoil the moment. Why can't his people be like this all the time? Seeing Margaret's kind expression, Pierces apologetic eyes and the happy grins of the others, was something he'd never have dreamt witnessing. Then Frank's red lipless face came into view, reminding him that nothing can be absolutely perfect. The Major looked like he was burning with rage and the General's icy stare seemed to be the only threat to keep him from exploding.

"Alright," the General said at last, "Let's go on, otherwise we will not finish till the end of the century."

When everybody, including Frank, nodded, he proceeded with the tale.

"As we has just found out, Major Houlihan was not feeling well that morning," he said, "the fight with Captain Pierce and the surgeons' conversation that she had overheard later, aggravated her state even further. After the whole "truth" of McIntyre's poor condition dawned on her, she quickly ran to her tent to hide from the cruel world and sort out her thoughts. We all know that she never made it to her refuge, having been intercepted by Major Burns. I believe that Burns was sincerely concerned about your health, Major," he said turning to Margaret, "but he only managed to accelerate your distress that had pushed your physical condition to its limits. Pronounced by the Major the word "ghost", which, in Major Houlihan's mind was now closely associated with the "dying McIntyre", triggered her nerves excessively. As a result, poor Margaret was forced to run to the nearest bushes to throw up. I suppose at that very moment Captain Pierce, who had finished talking to McIntyre, saw her. The Captain's reasoning was logical. In his mind, he combined all the symptoms that had been presented to him: the Major's irritable state, though I think this was not the key factor in this case," he added with a chuckle, "the sudden sickness that had caught Margaret right in the morning, her anger at Major Burns and, I think, her words "you are the reason of my sickness", addressed to Major Burns. Realizing that the woman, he had just shouted at was pregnant, Pierce, deeply ashamed, hurried to apologize…" this time the General paused to take a sip from his glass.

"So, let's see," he continued after putting the glass on the table, "what we now have… As soon as her sickness subsided, Major Houlihan, still being greatly distressed and thinking of nothing but McIntyre's mysterious illness, finally decided to make peace with Captain Pierce and find out more. To her surprise, she met Pierce as soon as this new thought had crossed her mind. The Captain's strange care for her well being and his apologies for his recent behavior only confirmed her suspicions that Pierce himself was very upset and desperately needed company. Unfortunately, their conversation was not destined to go on; a second later they were confronted by Major Burns, accusing them of having secret relationship. Strange as it was, Burns's logic was also simple. Seeing his Margaret, sorry, Major," he said giving Margaret an apologetic look, "but right now we are to call a spade a spade," he said.

When Margaret nodded, he continued, "good… so, seeing Margaret's outburst, directed toward him and not toward Pierce, along with Pierce's politeness and protectiveness of the Major that he suddenly started to show, Frank made his own conclusion. In his mind, Major Burns could see only one explanation, the secret love affair between his lover and this degenerate," the General fell silent, as if waiting for the information to sink in.

The whole tent exchanged looks, obviously trying to determine if everybody was following the General's narration. This time the looks that he and Henry met were much more confident than before. Henry felt much better too; finally the broken pieces of the puzzle started to all grow together, making a complete picture. He could also recall what happened next, it was Klinger and Father Mulcahy's move now, but he still wanted to hear it all from the General; just to be sure that he had not missed any important clues.

The General, meanwhile, smiled to his listeners and continued, "After a short quarrel Captain Pierce and Major Burns parted their ways; funny to say, they both went to drink. As I observed, Captains here are not novices to the alcohol consumption," the General chuckled, "Major Burns, on the other hand, once spotted in the Officer's Club, drinking whiskey, looked more than simply suspicious. So it happened that soon after his arrival at the club, Major Burns got under the watchful eye of Corporal Klinger. After overhearing the Major's indistinct mumblings about his desire to kill Captain Pierce, he followed him to his tent and saw him playing with the gun. It did not take the Corporal long to make a deduction that Major Burns was up to no good. Having decided to confide his thoughts to someone else, the Corporal hurried to Father Mulcahy's tent to seek his help. Both of the Swamp occupants, Burns and Pierce, who had also returned to the tent shortly after the Major fainted, were asleep, which gave Klinger a little time to think over his actions. The plan appeared to be rather simple, to steal Burns's bullets. What Father Mulcahy and Corporal Klinger did not think of, though, were the possible witnesses of their actions. I suppose it may seem quite normal for one of the captains to rummage through Burns's possessions, I heard lots of stories about it," he added, giving the captains a mischievous wink, "but, the rummaging through someone's possessions chaplain, would definitely look suspicious. No wonder that McIntyre, who had just been returning from his shift in the post-op, was so surprised to see Father Mulcahy in his tent. Finally, McIntyre decided to investigate this strange phenomenon and… this is exactly when stopped," the General finished, rubbing his hands with anticipation.

"That was brilliant!" said Trapper, "Now I see what a real Intelligence officer must look like. We had some displeasure to deal with a couple more…"

"Speak for yourself, Trap," Hawkeye cut him off, "framing Frank for being a communist and a fascist at the same time, was a pleasant experience."

"Oh, yes," Trapper laughed, "I almost forgot about it!"

"Shut up you two!" snapped Frank, "It was not funny!"

"I wouldn't say it, Major," said the General, "but we don't have time to discuss it now."

Even if Frank wanted to answer back, he refrained; the older man's icy glare was still keeping him silent and almost obedient.

"Let's find out what happened next," the General said at last.

"Who wants to continue?" Henry asked the tent, searching for the volunteer.

"I think I must take the word, dear sirs," said Hawkeye, making a pretentious bow to the two senior officers, "I think my part of the story starts right after Frank leaves to his shift."

"Couldn't sleep, Captain?" the General asked him, "Or did the alcohol you had consumed wake you?" he added, giving the surgeon the meaningful look.

"Nothing escapes your eyes, General," Hawkeye answered, "you're right. I think I shouldn't have mixed liquids of different color; they seemed to have started a civil war inside my stomach."

"I agree, Hawk," Trapper said joyfully, "It was stupid."

Hawkeye opened his mouth, but the General's threatening voice cut off anything that he was about to say.

"Begin the story Captain, your snide retort can wait till we finish."

* * *

><p><strong>To be continued...<strong>


	7. A Magical Night

**I'm sorry for my late updates, I'm nearing the end of the term and I've just been busy.**

**Okay, I guess I lied))) When I was half-way through the chapter I realized that I couldn't fit everything I wanted to say in it. So, you'll see one more... Hope some of you will like it or bear with me one more time))**

**Please, people, say what you think. It will help me with (I hope now) the last chapter, so you will not be left without something unclear.**

**Disclaimer: not mine.**

**Enjoy! **

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 7 <strong>

**A Magical Night**

Hawkeye looked around the room and smiled, "Well, I think it's time for me to bring more light into this dark business," he said.

"And I hope you'll hurry to illuminate this dark business as quickly and thoroughly as possible," the General replied threateningly.

"I'm sorry, General," Pierce answered, his smile growing into a grin, "but it is extremely difficult to be quick and thorough at the same."

"Just start speaking, Captain," the General repeated, giving Hawkeye an icy glare, "Don't make me resort to my methods of persuasion."

"Okay, okay," Hawkeye raised his hands in surrender, "Who am I to hide such important information from the military intelligence service?"

_His stomach growled again, reminding of its apparent existence and quite a miserable state. Hawkeye moaned and opened his eyes to see Frank's retreating back. "Ah, Ferret Face is going to work," he muttered under his breath, "Good for him to be out of my reach for a while."_

_With another tormented groan the Captain finally lifted the upper part of his body and moved closer to the edge of his cot. As soon as he did this, both his head and his stomach seemed to have screamed in protest. The room around him swayed, making him feel like he was on a boat in the middle of a particularly severe storm. His vision blurred and a disgustingly thick substance came in his throat…_

"Please, Captain," the General cut off Hawkeye's narration, "I think we don't need to hear the exact details of your condition yesterday night."

"Sorry, my dear Sir," Hawkeye smiled innocently, "I thought you wanted to know everything."

"But not this, Pierce!" snapped Margaret, "The last thing I want to hear right now, is the exact report on your reversed peristalsis!"

"But it is important," Hawkeye said defensively, "I was just getting to the climax and my poor condition was the very reason of what happened next."

"Go on, Captain," said the General, silencing Margaret with a raised hand.

"As I already described, the urge to vomit was so big that it drove me out of the tent to the nearest bushes," Hawkeye continued, "That is when I saw Margaret, running from the mess tent to hers. She was in tears. My first intent was to run after her, but I couldn't follow her right away as you may guess why…"

"We do, Captain," was the General's curt and inpatient reply.

"Well… yes," Hawkeye nodded, "Once I was done with my own problems, I quickly brushed my teeth, had a glass of water and went to the Major's tent to comfort her. I decided to tell her that I knew about her pregnancy and offer my help," he looked at Margaret with a sincere smile.

"Thank you, Pierce," she answered, returning the smile, "though I didn't understand what our talk was about, I actually thought you were talking about McIntyre."

"Hold on!" cried Henry, "I don't understand what she is talking about!"

"I think she is talking about her talk with Pierce," the General answered with such confidence as if he had also been there, "but now I also see that we're missing a couple of pieces in the chain of events that we're currently building."

"What are they?" Trapper asked him.

"The first is time, Captain" was the mysterious answer.

"Time of what?" asked Henry.

"Time of everything that we discovered so far," the General answered patiently, "I need more facts, Henry, only then we'll keep all the pieces of our chain together."

Seeing the point, Henry nodded, "And what is the second piece?" he asked, trying to sound professional and only receiving a teasing look from Trapper instead.

"I don't know yet," the General answered, "I will figure it out when we build the time line first," he paused as if to collect his thoughts, "The whole story began with Pierce and Houlihan's shift," he said at last, "they ended their shift early in the morning yesterday, right?" he asked the tent.

Everybody nodded, as usual, automatically and without unnecessary pauses.

"The shift was taken over by Captain McIntyre," the General said, smiling contentedly at his listeners' obedience, "Meanwhile, Pierce went to the Rosie's bar, Burns went to the Officer's Club, Major Houlihan went, or, to be more exact, ran to her tent. Taking into consideration your condition, Major, I presume had cried yourself to sleep," he looked at Margaret.

"Yes," Margaret answered, "I've been sleeping for almost the whole day, till late in the evening."

"Was it already dark when you woke up?" the General asked.

"Not yet," the head nurse said, "but it's summer, after all."

"Yes, you're right, Major," the General agreed, "the days are the longest this time of the year, it gets really dark around an hour before midnight, exactly when me and Colonel Blake arrived," the man rubbed his hands in anticipation, "now let's proceed," he said, "now I have a question, which became obvious only now, when we put our attention to the time," he looked at McIntyre, "why was your shift so long, Captain?" he asked.

"I'm working double shifts before my trip to Tokyo," Trapper answered, shrugging his shoulders.

"And you were done late in the night, but could still see Father Mulcahy's break in," the General concluded.

"Exactly," said Trapper beaming, "but I couldn't keep my eyes on him right away, I had to go to the latrine and take a shower."

"So by the time you got back to your tent, Mulcahy was already gone, but Captain Pierce was still sleeping?" the General cut him off.

"Yes," Trapper answered, "I didn't check, though," he added, "I quickly got dressed and went to search for Father Mulcahy. I looked into his tent, but he was not there, which was very surprising… so I went to the mess-tent and met Margaret."

"Aha!" the General cried, startling the others, "Now I see the last missing piece that finally links the story to Captain Pierce's tale. It was you, Captain McIntyre, who had upset Major Houlihan so greatly that she ran to her tent in tears, the scene that had been witnessed by just awoken Captain Pierce."

"Yes," answered Trapper, "though I understand only now why she had gotten upset, sorry for this Major," he added, looking at Margaret apologetically.

"It's fine, Captain," she answered, "we both got it all wrong. I woke up and went to the mess tent for a cup of coffee," she explained to the others, "I was thinking about McIntyre's illness… and saw him entering the tent. He looked around, took his coffee and sat next to me."

"Describe the scene in the mess tent in detail, one of you," the General asked them.

"I'll do it," Trapper said.

_He didn't want to lose the hot trail of Father Mulcahy, but he could barely stand upright after such an exhausting shift. Feeling that the only solution was a cold shower and at least a half-decent cup of coffee, he put on his bathrobe and grabbed his towel. Perhaps it was just self-persuasion that the shower would work, but, once he got back to the Swamp, he felt much better. Now it was the time to find out what the priest was up to. Having checked Mulcahy's tent, which turned out to be empty, he decided to check the mess tent and grab that half-decent cup of coffee that he still craved. _

_The tent was empty, safe for Margaret, sipping from her own cup at the nearby table. "Perhaps she saw the priest somewhere?" he thought, sitting next to her._

"_Hello," he said to her cheerfully._

_Her reaction was strange. Instead of her usual insult that she always had in stock for every time she met him or Hawkeye, she smiled, as if to a patient in the post-op and to the one of the two degenerates she had the displeasure to serve with._

"_Good evening, Captain," she said politely._

_Not expecting such a soft, even sweet greeting, he mumbled, "Are you okay, Margaret?"_

"_I'm perfectly fine," she answered far too quickly._

_Looking at her with suspicion, Trapper finally decided not to press the subject. He already had a strangely behaving priest to deal with, the Major could definitely wait. _

"_How are you feeling, McIntyre?" Margaret asked him suddenly._

"_Why are you concerned, Major?" he asked in return, not quite understanding the reason of her question._

_Now Trapper could say that the nurse looked uncomfortable. She was very quiet and seemed calm save for her trembling hands. She also looked sick, perhaps even feverish._

"_I'm not concerned at all," she answered, looking like the only mention of her being concerned about him sounded offensive, "I just asked. I don't care if you answer or not."_

"_I'm always amazed, Major," Trapper said with a smirk, "by your ability to say something very polite and rude in less than a minute. But, to tell you the truth, I don't feel well at all," he added, seeing the last bit of color drain from the nurse's face._

"_Why?" she asked, sounding as if she already knew the answer._

"_I feel very reluctant of going to Tokyo," the surgeon answered with a sigh, not completely understanding why he suddenly decided to share this with her, only Hawkeye knew Trapper's true feelings about his coming R&R, "I must meet someone there," he continued, trying ton to give her the whole information, it was a private business after all, "and I actually fear the outcome."_

_Now he was sure that Margaret was sick. Her face became even whiter and tears seemed to have come to her eyes. The Major looked absolutely miserable and her voice began to tremble even more than her hands. Perhaps he should change the topic of their conversation before she faints from whatever is bothering her so much? _

"_Have you seen Father Mulcahy, Major?" he asked her, deciding to continue looking for the priest._

_Somehow his new question managed to make the situation even worse. The priest's name frightened Margaret even more._

"_Why are you looking for him?" she asked carefully, for the second time sounding as if she had already somehow discovered the answer._

_Trapper hesitated, regretting asking the question in the first place. Why is she looking at him so suspiciously? He will definitely do the priest no good by informing the Major that Mulcahy had been stealing something from her dear Frank… but he had to answer something._

"_It's some private matters that I need to discuss with him," he said, trying to sound as rude as possible, "I believe I don't have to discuss all my secrets and problems with you, Major." _

_Even if he did hope to drive her away with this answer, it didn't work. Instead of shouting something like "How dare you speak to me in such a way!" or "Watch your mouth, McIntyre!" she looked at him sympathetically and put her hand on his shoulder. _

"_I understand, John," she said quietly, using his first name for the first time, "I think you really need to talk to Father Mulcahy right now," after these words she suddenly began to cry, "you must take… it… all… out, you… must… oh how it must be hard for you right now!" she gasped, crying and hiccupping at the same time, "I'm sorry, Captain, but I can't let you see me like this," she added before storming out of the mess tent._

"_And Hawk calls me the most insane person in the camp," Trapper thought, "I think my honorable title has just been stolen."_

"Thank you, Captain," the General said as soon as Trapper finished his story, "I think now we may go back to Captain Pierce's tale," he gave the people around him a thoughtful look, "I also think we may spend two more minutes on a short summary before going further," he finished.

"Good," thought Henry, ready to listen to the General's reasoning, "or these people seem to have the natural talent of confusing me. First Pierce, then McIntyre who, while searching for Mulcahy, almost drove Houlihan to the nervous breakdown…" It took Henry ten more seconds to realize that this time he had understood everything. For the first time of the whole evening Henry finally felt better. For the first time he managed to understand everything without the General's help. Henry couldn't keep but smile at his own childish, but very sincere joy, "I think this part is pretty simple, General," he said, only in a second realizing that he had just voiced his thoughts.

The tent looked at him with amazement, making him shudder under everyone's scrutinizing gazes, "What?" he asked them in surprise, "It all makes sense. After being released from his shift, McIntyre went to the Swamp to rest. On his way, however, he saw Father Mulcahy stealing something from Major Burns. The Captain decided to keep an eye on the priest to find out what he was up to, but he also needed to change and take a shower. Refreshed at last, he went looking for the priest. Having not found Mulcahy in his tent, McIntyre went to check the mess tent. To his big disappointment, the tent was empty, save for Major Houlihan, drinking her coffee and looking absolutely miserable. The Captain's question concerning the priest's whereabouts made the nurse's condition even worse. Still sure that the man in front of her was seriously ill and dying she could only think about the surgeon's possible demise. So her nerves were again strained to the limits when this dying man entered the mess tent and told her that he wanted to talk to our dear priest about something private, no doubt his last will or a confession. As a result, Major Houlihan ran away to be seen by Pierce, who had been driven out of the Swamp by his rebelling stomach."

"Bravo Colonel!" the General exclaimed, grating Henry with a proud smile, "Now let's proceed," he turned to Hawkeye, "We may continue with your part of the story, Captain," he said.

"Yes, Sirs!" Hawkeye answered, giving both of the senior officers a pompous salute, "I'm your the most trustworthy witness!"

"I hope so, Pierce," the General answered with an evil grin, "I believe you remember my earlier threat about my powers of persuasion."

Henry saw that Hawkeye was not afraid of the General, but the older man's joke did subdue him like a parent's threat subdues a naughty child. The surgeon's reply confirmed Henry's thoughts.

"You made me wonder, General," Hawkeye said after a short pause, "if my dad had ever worked with military intelligence. You actually sounded exactly like him in his most strict parent's mode."

"_Knock, knock!"_

"_What do you want, Pierce?" he heard Margaret's voice behind the closed door._

"_I want to talk," Hawkeye answered calmly, "May I come in? I don't want to say what I am going to say through the wall."_

_He heard some distant shuffling inside, followed by a very distinct sound that comes from people blowing their noses. He decided not to press Margaret to hurry up and to give her a minute of privacy. This time it was courtesy that dictated him to give the nurse the opportunity to pretend that she was fine and had not been crying at all._

_When the door finally opened, Major Houlihan's appearance surprised the young surgeon. Apparently she was not going to hide her condition from him; on the contrary, she quickly grasped his hand and tugged him into her dark tent. At this hour the darkness had completely fallen on the camp and, once the moon and a couple of street lamps were cut off by the closed door, Hawkeye could barely see Margaret's face, save for her eyes, shining with tears. _

"_Hello, Captain," she said quietly, "Thank you for coming."_

"_I won't ask you if you're fine as I clearly see you aren't," he said quietly. He didn't see the point to show her his surprise of her words; right now she needed only his compassion. It was not the first time to his memory when the Major started acting more human, but such moments were rare. Now was the time when instead of the usual annoyance that he felt toward this army brat, he wanted more than ever to admire her excellent work and her unbreakable spirit. Right now he would do anything to protect this woman from the rest of the cruel world and keep her safe from now on. _

_Carefully, trying not to bump into Margaret's bedside-table, he led her to the bed. Hawkeye felt that it was time to say something, some words of comfort perhaps, but somehow he couldn't cope with his own thoughts, as well as the dull and extremely annoying throbbing that had settled inside his head. _

"_Why aren't you turning on the lights?" he asked at last, settling the Major on her bed and taking his own sit on the nearby chair. _

"_I just don't want to," she answered, "I'm not ready to face the light yet," she sobbed, "I thought I could, but I couldn't…" she didn't finish her sentence when more sobs prevented her from keeping up normal speech. _

"_Shh, it's fine," he tried to comfort her, "I think I know what's troubling you, we'll work it out."_

"_I'm glad you guessed," she said, more tears streaming through her eyes, "but we can't "work it out", Captain. You're a doctor and you know what these problems means to people."_

"_Yes, I know," Hawkeye answered sadly. He wanted to say something else, to say that no men were worth her tears, especially the Ferret Face, who would never sacrifice his wealthy married life for an army nurse, or that her army career was worth less than the happiness to be a mother. Why would he say it? Of all people around, he was the least appropriate person to give the lectures on parenthood. Why was it all so difficult? He has always been famous, sometimes praised, sometimes punished for his loose tongue. He always knew what to say to get what he wanted, but not now. Now he was literary struggling for words and it even scared him. "No time for panic," he told himself, "I have a woman to comfort." It helped. _

"_You know," he finally said, deciding to switch to his doctor mode, something that, for this particular problem, he had he could deal with, "we don't know anything for sure. We still have to do some tests. Perhaps it's not as bad as it seems."_

"_Yes?" she asked, hope in her tearful eyes, "You really think so?"_

"_Of course I think so," he said, carefully touching her forehead, "now you must rest," he whispered, "you're burning."_

"_I'm not tired, I've been sleeping for the whole day," Margaret tried to protest, but was gagged by a treacherous yawn._

"_I think your body doesn't think so," Hawkeye chuckled, "Now, be a good girl and crawl into your bed. Your uncle Hawkeye will tell you a bedtime story or sing you a lullaby." He expected to receive a snide answer for the teasing, but Margaret obeyed his order without further objections. This fact told him volumes about her emotional state. _

"_Will you stay with me?" she suddenly asked him._

"_Of course I will," he answered with a wide grin, "I will only go fetch some stuff to keep down your fever, okay?"_

"_Okay," she answered._

"So you spent the rest of the night in Major Houlihan's tent," the General said, again applying the tone of a man who had personally witnessed the scene instead of deducing it.

"Yes I did," Hawkeye answered, "I quickly went to the supply tent to take what I needed and returned to our lovely Major. I made her take the medicine and applied the cold compress on her forehead. Soon she began to doze off and I was not long to follow her."

"On the chair?" the General asked with a raised eyebrow.

"No," Hawkeye answered, before receiving an approving nod from Margaret, "The Major allowed me to lie down next to her," he said.

After these words Henry instinctively looked at Frank. The surgeon's eyes were fixed on Hawkeye, apparently trying to burn a hole in the man. For the thousandth time of the last several hours the Colonel mentally thanked his guest for his authoritative nature and particularly effective threats, which did not let the paranoid Major kill the Captain on the spot. Though angry, Burns was perfectly silent and it was all what he needed right now. Major Houlihan will manage him later; she definitely has her methods…

"What a weird talk you had," Trapper told Margaret and Hawkeye, interrupting Henry's thoughts, "you both spoke about different problems, Margaret about my illness and Hawk about Margaret's pregnancy, but managed to reach some sort of agreement, without even realizing what each of you meant," he continued through a fit of giggles, "Good job!" he exclaimed.

Margaret nodded, "Now it really sounds funny," she said, "and Pierce finally managed to sleep in my bed."

"Dreams come true," said Hawkeye, his grin wider than ever.

* * *

><p><strong>TBC<strong>


	8. The Final Confrontation

**Hi! Sorry again for such a break. I had finals, then some other very important and unfortunately more urgent stuff to do((  
><strong>

**But here I am at last! I know it's not good to be so slow, I'll try to work on it.  
><strong>

**The story ends here. Please let me know if you liked it (and I hope you did). If you didn't like it, let me know about it too, I'm here to learn after all))  
><strong>

**I enjoyed writing this story and hope it was fine. Bye!  
><strong>

**Disclaimer: I don't own MASH.  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 8<strong>

**The Final Confrontation**

"I really hope for a repeat," said Hawkeye, giving Margaret a meaningful wink, "I enjoyed that night a lot."

"Not in this life, pervert," Margaret snapped angrily.

"Don't be mean, Major," Hawkeye replied teasingly, "I assure you, you will enjoy it."

"Don't ruin the good impression you managed to produce on me with your dirty tongue, Pierce," Margaret said with a threat.

"I wouldn't dare, Major," Hawkeye answered, "I only wish to demonstrate you my other skills."

"Then I will demonstrate you my perfect punch on your nose," was the answer, "I can do it right now if you want."

"Not before I demonstrate my perfect kiss," the surgeon said, not willing to give up, "you won't resist it."

Margaret blushed. Henry knew that Pierce had hit the right spot, not that the nurse would ever admit it. "Oh, shut up, Pierce!" she snapped again, this time more calmly. Her apparent distress, along with some weakness in her tone, however, reined the surgeon in.

"You know, I'm really scared of your punches, Major," he said casually, "so you win."

"You should be scared," Margaret replied narrowing her eyes, but smiling nonetheless, "I promise, your face will never be the same after it."

Hawkeye smiled back, realizing that he had been forgiven, "I'm looking forward to it," he said.

Too engrossed into their banter the "happy couple" didn't even notice the rest of the tent, silently watching the show. When they were done, however, they simultaneously looked around, as if realizing that they had become the centre of everybody's attention. Henry's gaze swept through his people's faces to see them all wearing the mixed expressions of surprise and amusement. Like their CO, they obviously found it extremely unusual that Pierce and Houlihan's row ended so quickly and strangely peacefully. Compared to the storm in the post-op, that had become something like the starting point to everything that happened after; this one was a light breeze. These two had definitely done a good job of talking to each other.

After every Margaret's visit to Henry's office, the distressed Colonel could empty a whole bottle, desperately soothing his nerves after the nurse's usual accusations and complains. If this night's events help his most difficult officers to find peace with each other, Henry won't have to refill his alcohol storage so often, not to mention far less risk for his health and sanity. He looked again at Frank. The Major seemed lost, angry and completely mad. All the complaints and various unexpected inspections from the I-corps officers were organized by Major Houlihan. It's always been Margaret who was not afraid to go over Henry's head to prove her point. Without the nurse's connections and, Henry was ready to admit it, intelligence, Frank will lose his only weapon against their unmilitary and undisciplined unit. His next words only confirmed Henry's suspicions that the Major had finally gone off his head with his paranoia.

"I wonder what exactly types of torture do you know, General?" the Major suddenly asked, his eyes gleaming with madness, "You may tell me, I can take it."

Now not only Henry, but everyone else was looking at Frank with contempt. Were there any limits to the man's stupidity and cruelness? Henry was not worried about Pierce or anyone else of his people who had crossed the Major's path. He felt sorry for the General. The man looked clearly uncomfortable while mentioning his past experiences. Whatever he had to do, he was not proud of it. Confirming Henry's thought, the General's eyes clouded, as if with particularly unpleasant memories that the Major had resurfaced. Whatever it was, however, the man pulled himself together very quickly and, to Henry's utter surprise, smiled.

"Sure, Major," he told Frank calmly, "I will tell you about everything you want to hear."

"Good, I'm ready," Frank answered without a single trace of fear, remorse or doubt in his voice, "This information will come in handy," he flashed a killing stare to the smirking surgeons.

"Nobody is afraid of you, Frank," Hawkeye said seriously.

"You should, Pierce," the Major hissed back, "I'm not yet finished with you."

"Sounds scary, Hawk," said Trapper.

"Shut up, McIntyre," Henry said tiredly, "no one is learning how to torture this night. We are all doctors, if you still remember this. Yes, Frank is also a doctor," he added, predicting Hawkeye's remark about Frank's incompetence, "and I won't let any doctor under my command learn how to hurt on purpose!"

"Relax, Colonel," the General said, sending Henry a secret wink, "I think I may grant the Major's request to teach him."

"What?" cried Mulcahy, "General, don't do it!"

"Don't worry, Father, no one else is going to hear this," the old officer answered, his smile grew wider, "I'm only afraid that you'll have to wait for this until we finish, Major," he told Frank, "The others must leave the tent."

"Why?" Henry asked him, eager to play along with any idea that the man had in mind, "Perhaps we'd better stay too."

"No, Colonel," the General answered, "No one except the Major," he motioned to Frank, "can stay. I just don't want to kill you."

"Kill?" squeaked Radar, "What do you mean, kill?" he asked, trembling with fear.

"It will be utterly stupid to kill the whole tent of people only because one idiot decided to quench his blood lust," replied the old officer, "I'm not a complete madman, after all," he added in such a neutral tone as if he was speaking about the weather.

"Don't worry, General," laughed Hawkeye, who had obviously seen the older man's secret wink, "We'll leave you and Frank alone."

"And we'll try not to interrupt," caught up Trapper.

"So it's decided," the General said, giving Hawkeye and Trapper a sly grin, "After we finish, everyone should go to the officers club and put on some very loud music…"

"I won't agree to any of this!" cried Frank.

"Then shut up, Major!" the General snapped at him.

Everyone laughed seeing Frank's face turn a deep shade of red. Henry also checked on Radar to find him still looking frightened.

"It was a joke, Radar," he whispered to the young man, "calm down and have a drink."

"Y-y-yes, s-sir," the kid stuttered, pouring himself some whiskey. After making a gulp, however, he visibly relaxed.

"There you go, son," the General said, putting his hand on the boy's shoulder, "I'm sorry I scared you," he whispered so that Frank could not hear him.

"It's fine, General," Radar answered, this time more firmly.

"Good," the man said, turning his gaze on the people around him, "I think it's time to proceed with our story and finish it before I lose my temper," he continued, granting Frank with a piercing stare. "Now we only need to find out how you all spent this day, ending up in the mess tent," he said, finally taking his eyes off the still red Major, "Obviously you haven't spent the whole day here," he stated with a smirk, "otherwise you would have killed each other by the time me and the Colonel got to the camp."

"No, sir," said Radar before the others could find their voices; the alcohol had done a good job to loosen his tongue, "They all gathered in the mess tent just before your arrival," he continued, "As I already said, I heard your jeep pulling over and ran to ask you for help."

"Thank you, Corporal," the General answered, giving Radar an appreciative smile, "Did they come to the tent all at once?"

"No, sir," Radar replied, "Captain Pierce and Major Houlihan came here first."

"Thank you, son," the General thanked him, turning his attention to Hawkeye and Margaret.

"Did you spend the whole day together?" he asked them.

"Yes, we did," answered Margaret, receiving a shocked look from Frank, "There was nothing between us, Frank!" she snapped angrily, seeing the Major's expression.

"So what have you been doing then?" Henry asked them with suspicion.

"Think, Henry," Hawkeye answered sarcastically, "What two sick people could do to improve their condition?" he asked impatiently, as if addressing to a five-year-old, "We have been sleeping!"

"For the whole day?" Henry asked them incredulously.

"Of course not!" Margaret said indignantly, "We woke up in the late afternoon and went to the post-op…"

"Not before I checked Margaret's temperature to be sure that her fever had broken," cut in Hawkeye.

Margaret opened her mouth to tell Hawkeye off for interrupting her, but obviously decided not to. The gratitude she felt toward the chief surgeon was enough to tolerate his childish antics.

"So, did you spend the rest of the day in the post-op?" the General asked the now silent pair.

The pair nodded, "It was a good place for Margaret to hide from the heat outside. I also wanted to keep her close until I'm quite satisfied with her condition," said Hawkeye, receiving another grateful smile from Margaret, "I only took some food and water from the mess tent."

"And you went to the mess tent after?" the older man stated, not even trying to apply the rising tone to his supposed-to-be question.

The reply was one more nod from Margaret and a solemn "yes sir" from Hawkeye.

"Good," the General said joyfully, "Let's pass to Corporal Klinger and Father Mulcahy," he turned his eyes to their conspirators, "How did you spend the day?" he asked them.

"We tried to keep an eye on Major Burns for a while," answered Father Mulcahy, "We feared that the Major would find other means to harm Hawkeye, even during his night shift in the post-op."

"We decided not to take a chance," added Klinger.

The General nodded, "Judging by the fact that Captain McIntyre could not find you in your tent during the night, I presume that you, Father, kept your vigil in the post-op," he said.

"You are absolutely right, sir," Mulcahy answered, "Sometimes I sit with patients to comfort them, so Major Burns did not find me being in the post-op too suspicious."

"I see," the General replied thoughtfully. He paused for several seconds, as if planning the next move, "I think we don't have enough time for a detailed report on Major Burns's movements during the day. Just tell us what happened later in the evening. Then we'll be left only with the scene in the mess tent."

"Yes sir!" Klinger saluted enthusiastically, "Everything was fine…"

"As fine as it can be with Frank in charge," cut in Hawkeye.

"Not now Pierce," sighed Henry, trying to keep his own face straight.

"Well…" Klinger paused after the interruption, obviously finding it hard not to laugh, "As I said, the night and the most part of today went well. The Major finished his shift and went, as Father Mulcahy had checked, to the showers. We had no idea where Hawkeye had gone, so the Father had to check that the two men wouldn't meet while taking the shower."

Everyone looked at the priest, who had blushed under the glued-to-him gazes.

"Did you take the shower too, Father?" Trapper asked him with amusement.

"No," answered Mulcahy, "I just walked in under the pretext that I had lost my soap."

"That was clever," snorted Hawkeye, "I would have invented something more offensive."

"Enough!" the General cried, silencing the now chuckling surgeons, "Let's proceed."

The laughter immediately stopped and everyone turned their attention back to the Corporal, mutely urging him to continue.

"I replaced Father Mulcahy while Major Burns was in the showers," Klinger went on, "After that, he went back to the Swamp to dress and went to the mess tent to eat. He didn't stay their long, though," the Corporal shrugged his shoulders, "he was constantly looking around himself, as if searching for Hawkeye, hidden somewhere in the crowd. After that, he went to the main office and stayed there until the late evening, that is where I made my mistake."

"What mistake?" the General asked him.

"Major Burns was in the office. Radar had a lot of forms for him to sign and he was also writing something..."

"No doubt my death warrant," Hawkeye whispered in a grave tone, making Radar splutter with laughter.

"No, Captain," he whispered back, "The Major was writing a bunch of letters to the States," he explained, "then he started perusing my reports, trying to find what facts, as the Major said, 'I had embellished'."

"Radar has never done such a thing!" exclaimed Trapper, glaring daggers at Frank. The latter apparently wanted to retort, but had again been silenced by the General's angry voice.

"Quiet!" snapped the old officer, making Radar jump, "Let's continue," he added more calmly, "and…"

"Here's your drink, sir," said Radar, giving him a newly filled glass.

"Thank you, Corporal," the man answered, signaling Klinger to continue speaking. The latter nodded and went on.

"As I said, Major Burns seemed very busy and I needed to go to the latrine, sorry Major for such details," he added, addressing to Margaret.

She waved his apology away, ordering him not to waste the time and speak.

"I decided that everything should be fine if I leave it all for some time," Klinger continued, "but when I returned, Major Burns was already gone. I also saw Hawkeye and Major Houlihan entering the mess tent. There were still people there, so Hawkeye should be safe for a while. I figured I should wake Father Mulcahy first, so I wouldn't face the crazy Major on my own. But when we tried to find the Major, he was nowhere in sight. We checked the whole camp before running to the mess tent to watch the Captain instead."

"I know where Frank was," cut in Trapper, "I just woke up after the whole night of watching after Father Mulcahy's vigil in the post-op when I saw Frank entering the Swamp and rummaging under his pillow," he said.

"And what did you do?" the General asked him.

"Nothing," Trapper answered, "I simply got up, brushed my teeth and went to the mess tent. I was hungry and hoped to grab the leftovers of the leftovers of the leftovers etcetera and etcetera."

"And what did Major Burns do? Didn't he look suspicious?" the General asked the Captain, apparently surprised that Trapper became suspicious of Mulcahy, but was absolutely ignorant of his own tent mate's strange behaviour.

Trapper shrugged his shoulders, "We are used to Frank's mad ideas," he started to explain, "and we don't always pay much attention to them, only when we want to make some fun," he added with a smirk. "Father Mulcahy, on the other hand, had attracted all my attention when I saw him stealing something."

"It makes sense," the General agreed, "So what did Frank do?" he asked after a short pause.

"I don't know," Trapper answered, "He had left fast before I could open my eyes properly."

"Frank had been waiting for everyone except me and Margaret to leave the mess tent," said Hawkeye, "It never happened and he burst into when there were only five of us. I hugged Margaret and he probably couldn't stand seeing it."

"How do you know about it, Pierce?" Henry asked the surgeon.

"Frank was shouting about it," Margaret answered in Hawkeye's place, "When he ran into the tent and started threatening us all with his gun."

"Good," the General murmured thoughtfully, "Now we only need to restore the final scene in the mess tent."

"Can we summarize all the events, starting from today's morning first, sir?" Radar asked him shyly.

"Did you not understand everything, son?" the older man asked the clerk in return.

"I did, sir," Radar answered, hesitating, "I just want to have the whole picture in my head to make some notes. I think I will write a story about all this."

The General patted Radar's shoulder, giving the kid a kind smile, "I will read it with great pleasure, son," he laughed. After seeing Radar blush, the old man observed the tent. "The story this time is not going to be long," he told them. "While Major Burns was in the post-op for his night's shift, Father Mulcahy and Corporal Klinger were trying not to let the surgeon off their sight. As it was not unusual for the priest to sit in the ward, even at nights, Mulcahy could keep an eye on Major Burns during his shift without attracting unnecessary suspicions. Captain McIntyre, meanwhile, finally surrendering to exhaustion, returned to the Swamp to sleep. Somewhere in the morning, the chaplain was released by Klinger, who took over the post. Sometime later, Burns finished his shift and moved to the main office. Meanwhile, Pierce and Houlihan woke up, went to the post-op and stayed there till the late evening. As Pierce explained, they hid there from the heat. So, when the sun began its way down, they found it safe to leave the refuge. Unfortunately for them, they were also seen by Burns, who quickly fetched his gun and started guarding the mess tent, waiting until the unnecessary witnesses leave his future victims alone. At the same time, Mulcahy and Klinger, who had missed Burns's disappearance, also went to the mess tent correctly assuming that the Major would try to find Pierce for the confrontation."

Summarizing all the events, the General was enumerating the participants and their actions by counting on his fingers. In gave Henry a funny feeling concerning the man's role in their little adventure. It was now clear that the retired intelligence officer enjoyed every second of this investigation. And right now he reminded Henry of an old puppeteer, whose puppets had accidentally got twisted together, and he was unraveling their strings one by one…

"Considering the fact that McIntyre was awoken by Major Burns, then quickly got up and went to eat," the General's loud voice penetrated Henry's thoughts, "I assume that McIntyre was the first to join Pierce and Houlihan in the mess tent. Next were Klinger and Mulcahy and only then Burns."

"Yes," chuckled Hawkeye, "And all these appearances were epic."

"Do tell us about them, Captain," the General said.

"With great pleasure, my dear Sir," was the surgeon's answer.

"_How are you feeling now, Major?"_

"_Much better," said Margaret, accepting a cup of some cold tea-like beverage from Hawkeye, "I admit I must thank you for that, Captain."_

_Even if she didn't expect him to turn her confession into a joke, she still looked slightly surprised when he didn't. This feeling was written all over her face when Hawkeye simply sat next to her and took her hand. _

"_I just want you to know, Major," he said, slowly, carefully choosing the words, "that I did it with only intention to help you. I'm a fair player," he added with a smile, "and there's no time for games in this particular situation when you're too vulnerable."_

"_I appreciate it Pie-Hawkeye," she corrected herself, "but I also want to talk about you."_

"_About what?" Hawkeye asked her._

"_About … McIntyre!" she practically jumped on the spot when the said captain barged into the tent with a loud "Aha!". _

"_McIntyre!" Margaret cried with frustration, "You scared the hell out of me!"_

"_Yes, Trap," said Hawkeye, "couldn't you be a bit more delicate, please?"_

"_Sorry, people," Trapper answered with a happy smile, "I just didn't expect to find you two together in the dark tent."_

"_We are not together!" said Margaret._

"_Oh! Then I hope I didn't interrupt anything with my arrival," Trapper laughed, "I imagine how confused Father Mulcahy would be in my place. I actually need to talk to him, have you seen him?"_

"_There's nothing to be confused about," Hawkeye said calmly, "and we haven't met anyone for the whole day. But if you need Father Mulcahy that badly, there's still hope that he will walk in here right now…"_

_Now it was Hawkeye's turn to jump when the said priest burst into the tent. Trapper and Margaret, however, were fast to follow when Klinger did the same._

"_Did you see Major Burns?" the Corporal asked them, frantically looking around himself, as if expecting to find Frank hiding under one of the tables._

"_No we didn't," answered Hawkeye, this time he made no attempt to hide his irritation, "What did our Major Disaster do this time?"_

"_He's after you, Captain," replied Klinger, "I don't know why, but he was planning something bad."_

_Suddenly Margaret started crying, "I'm sorry, Captain," she whimpered, "I brought this on you."_

_Everyone looked at the head nurse as if they had met her for the first time. Crying Margaret Houlihan was definitely a wondrous sight. Hawkeye, meanwhile, felt more prepared for such mood swings. Without hesitating, the surgeon wrapped his arms around her trembling body in the most comforting manner he could provide. It took her some time to accept this comfort and finally relax in his embrace._

"_Thank you," she whispered in his chest, "But don't think of doing something inappropriate."_

"_I won't," Hawkeye whispered back, "Don't worry about that, Major…"_

_Hawkeye barely managed to finish his sentence when the door to the tent opened and Frank Burns rushed in, burning with rage. _

"_Step away from the Major, Captain!" he shouted._

"_Leave me alone, Frank!" snapped Margaret, "Pierce didn't do anything!"_

"_I won't let this pervert anywhere near you Margaret!" the Major yelled, "I saw him hug you! I saw everything! I've been watching you from my hiding place for half an hour!"_

_Hawkeye only saw Frank reach for something under his jacket when Klinger sprang on the Major's back like a flash of light. _

"_Stop it, Major!" the Corporal shouted._

"_Get off me, you pervert!" cried Frank. With the strength of an enraged wild animal Frank managed to throw Klinger to the ground._

_In one swift motion Trapper and Father Mulcahy ran to help the fallen man, while Frank finally reached for something that was hidden under his jacket, his gun._

_"Stay away from the Major, Pierce!" Frank yelled…_

"Okay, Captain," the General concluded, "You can stop here because we saw the rest."

Hawkeye nodded, "Well, I think that's it," he said with a smile, "Now we know everything."

"Yes, I think we do," the General agreed, drying his glass of whiskey in one gulp, "We finally reached the end."

* * *

><p>The scorching summer heat was already burning their skins when they emerged from the mess tent. Though it was fairly early, the sun was ruthlessly drying the land, making the last dewdrop evaporate from the grass. There was something mind-bendingly beautiful to watch the small grass-blades and tiny leaves being surrounded by the light fog, as if covered by a soft blanket. The commotion in the compound, however, quickly distracted Henry from the wonders of nature. It was time to join the party.<p>

The General's driver was already sitting at the wheel of a green army jeep, ready to set out and drive to the Kimpo airport. Klinger and Radar, having just secured the General's luggage, stood next to the two surgeons, one nurse and one priest, silently watching their CO, Henry Blake, shake the General's hand.

"Hope to see you all again one day," the General said.

The answer was a simultaneous salute from Klinger and Margaret, followed by loud applause from Hawkeye and Trapper.

"I guess that means "yes"," the General chuckled.

"Nothing can stay hidden when you're around, sir," smiled Hawkeye.

"You see directly through us," added Trapper.

"Thank you, doctors for such high appraisal of my talents," he said cheerfully, settling himself on the passenger seat, "I'm not saying Goodbye!" he declaimed while the driver was starting the engine.

Seven people watched the jeep become smaller and smaller, finally disappearing behind some distant hills. Henry looked at his people with a warm smile, even warmer feeling of peace spreading through his body. It's been two days since their night's adventure. Finished at last with the investigation, they all crawled to their beds, felling exhausted more than ever. The following days went as peacefully as they could be. Henry was still worried about Frank, but the Major kept unnaturally silent. The General's threat that he voiced in the next morning was enough to cool the man's temper. Perhaps the General's promise to charge Frank with treason sounded a bit too frightening, but it definitely worked. From now on, Frank will think twice before threatening someone with a deadly weapon. Now the man was calm and obedient. The miserable state, however, helped the Major to patch up his relationship with Margaret. The constant apologies, accompanied by the very convincing remorse that he displayed did their job well. Frank was forgiven.

The day was getting hotter and hotter. Feeling the huge drops of sweat tickle his back, Henry hurried to hide in his office, where Radar, thanks to the General's connections, had ordered a new big fan. Henry was tired, even drained, but also happy. He knew that his people were crazy, but now he also had the proof that they deeply cared for each other. Once he called them a family, now he really felt so. From the very beginning it was this love and care that led them into this web of misunderstanding, but it also helped them to get out. Looking back to everything that happened for the last several days, Henry felt that he could even call this camp his home, even if some others called it an insane asylum.

* * *

><p><strong>The End.<strong>


End file.
